My sister doesn't want to know me

[Thatslife72]

I feel let down, disappointed, angry and upset. I have an older sister that well we've had our differences over the years, we are very different but we became closer when my mum died 16 years ago of cancer, I had children and although we were different we were pretty close through divorces, friendship issues etc. There was one time I was really upset I had just gone through a divorce and my children were going to their dads for xmas. I was in my own and not particularly looking forward to it! I was upset she didn't ask me around as my dad was going as well as her own partner and his mum. I never understood why she didn't invite me but even more upsetting was I never got a phone call or nothing. Anyway I told her how I felt afterwards we put it behind us and carried on, she was a bit wishy washy with communication but in the whole we were close and met up and were there for each other .
I met someone great and moved in a lovely house, have my own business etc and she started to get really funny. I invited her down for Boxing Day as that's when we traditionally see each other and swap presents. I thought she might want to see my new house and see her neice and nephew but she said she booked a pantomime for them and my dad and then was going away. I was shocked and disappointed, I asked her if she planned on seeing us over Xmas but she said she didn't know. We had a few words by text and then she backed off and so did I. She now has completely shut me out, I find out some things from my dad like she's buying a new house as I know she isn't happy living were she is , she moved in to her bf house were she said she didn't like the location and wouldn't settle there. I have never been invited there and she's lived there 2 years. I think it's to do with jealousy myself but she's been in better positions than me many times and I was happy for her, but she can't seem to be happy for me .

My dad has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer we communicate about my dads condition but that is all, it really upsets me as soon she is the only I have but she insists on pushing me out. What can I do ? What is her problem ? Can anyone make sense of it?!

[Queenoftheblues]

yes it sounds like jealousy to me. I'm sure she wants you to be happy, but not happier than her. Writing a non-accusatory letter might help her see sense. You sound lovely, what a shame she's not appreciating you.

[Thatslife72]

Thank you queenoftheblues, maybe I will try the letter but the thing is I have tried that before, I can't force her to want us in her life. I do wonder if any of it has to do with her bf as he is very manipulative and abusive, she used to tell me about it but no more

[Queenoftheblues]

oh i'm sure the bf has put the boot in and you will find it hard to go up against him. you need a strategy. focus on something that she really likes, does she have any hobbies? share them with her. ie, post her her favourite lipstick, send her funny ttexts, tickets to her favourite band, keep upbeat where possible alongside looking after your dad. share memories of your mum, get to her emotionally but not in a guilt inducing way. sadly she may never see the light with this bf, but his negativity towards you will look very suspect if you are being the best sister. so forget writing a letter, change your game.

[Thatslife72]

Great idea, I did do that a while ago as she was involved in a car crash she did say thank u but it didn't make any difference and I then felt worse so I stopped. I will have to think again X thanks for your advice xxx

[Bree85]

That is sad. Maybe she is jealous but just try to understand her. That is because something you cannot change if she is not willing to change.

[Thatslife72]

I try to understand I really do, I guess if that's what she wants for me not to be involved with her life I will at some point have to accept it but that's difficult as soon she will be the only family member I have left!

[sayatidaknama]

Unless she tells you I'm afraid you won't know what her problem is and quite frankly, being in a similar position myself, I wouldn't exhaust yourself trying to work it out. It is extremely sad when this happens. I don't have any advice because after 8 years I have given up any hope with my sibling. I would not be at all surprised if her OH is influencing her behaviour.

[Thatslife72]

Oh really? I'm sorry to hear that, 8 years! I guess we're just all made different, me and my sister are very different in a lot of ways and also similar in some. I really think it's all because I've finally settled down got a nice 5 bedroom house next to a river, go on nice family holidays days out, we're financially secure , I have my own business which does ok! A nice dp whereas she is 9 years older with a bit of a Pratt that has not much money, that is abusive, her daughter has left home she works full time as a solicitor but never has any money and she hates the house she lives in, she said lots of rough people live there and it's ex council . She is not happy at work either as obviously very stressful.

However I will say there's been times were she's lived a nice house financially sound etc, and I've been with the idiot and trapped , I still was happy for her and kept in touch. However I did get myself out of the situation and bought myself a house started again , so u know .....it just confuses and upsets me x

[sayatidaknama]

Sadly it does sound like a classic case of envy. I don't have much advice as I've obviously failed miserably(!) but continue as you are, being there for her and hopefully your greatness of spirit will shine through and she'll come back. And hopefully she'll realise how lucky she is to have a sister like you!