ExP has MH issues, including OCD, PTSD etc
This means he is phobic of germs and washes his hands repeatedly, sometimes muttering to himself for 10 - 15 mins every time he touches something he deems dirty (such as a tap, bin, or after using the toilet etc).
Thus he generally avoids touching anything like taps or rubbish bags unless he absolutely has to, to avoid his rituals etc.
What worries me is that when our 3yo DS goes to the toilet ExP becomes slightly manic about DS washing his hands and speaks to him in a really forceful way while trying to get DS to wash his hands "appropriately" but without demonstrating / helping him as he won't touch the taps or DS to help.
E.g. DS goes to the toilet / potty, from the moment he gets off exP is urging him to wash his hands, if he doesn't straight away exP repeats the phrase getting more urgent / manic sounding. E.g. "now wash your hands, now wash your hands, NOW WASH YOUR HANDS" etc etc ad nauseum, raising voice to be quite narky and slightly aggressive sounding until DS does each step of the hand washing process.
As ExP does not touch the soap or toddler's hands or demonstrate to him what he needs to do he just barks at him. "Now turn the tap on, now turn it on, turn it on, turn it on, JUST TURN THE TAP ON" etc etc getting quite manic about each stage. The whole process can last 10 mins. Wherever I hear it going on I interject (probably not always quickly enough as I am usually busy and don't always want to intervene or undermine exP's parenting) and just help DS, show him what to do etc. I usually say "don't listen to daddy when he speaks to you like that, there's nothing wrong, just call for me" etc and help him nicely through the process like most parents would.
DS being recently 3yo is not 100% perfect at the process yet and I worry that exP will give him his issues around germs or even upset his confidence by speaking to him in this way. However whenever I bring up the issue exP gets narked and grumpy, "I'll speak to him however I feel is appropriate" etc and accuses me of undermining him and says he is not being inappropriate, gets really prickly as he is touchy about the subject anyway.
I really don't want DS to pick up on exP's MH issues. Fortunately he lives with me 100% of the time and exP visits for a couple of days a week (staying in spare room) to help and let me do some work etc.
How do I get it across to exP that this is inappropriate? What could be the consequences of him speaking to him in this way ongoing? I could tell him to butt out completely if he can't speak helpfully but think he will get seriously pissed off if I undermine him to that point. I need to get it across to him that it's inappropriate but how?
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exP OCD and speaking to toddler in forceful way
12 replies
azimazi · 22/02/2016 20:12
OP posts:
0dfod ·
22/02/2016 21:40
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