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Counselling for self-destructive behaviour?

(9 Posts)
Daenerys2 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:57:47

Am at an all time low. Been married for 12 years and not happy. We are making each other miserable. On top of that I am drinking to numb it all and have made some terrible decisions in the last year, including having an affair. Feel so shitty about it all and want to stop the drinking and the affair and dirty marriage out. Has anyone had counselling for any of the above. I spoke to my doctor but he wasn't much help at all. Feel like I'm on total self destruct and feel so low.

Daenerys2 Thu 18-Feb-16 12:58:43

Sort my marriage out that should have been.

Marchate Thu 18-Feb-16 15:26:13

Not all doctors are as understanding as we would hope. Sadly you have seen an unsympathetic one

Is there another GP you could see?

Guiltypleasures001 Thu 18-Feb-16 15:59:41

Hi op sorry your feeling so shit,

In answer to your question yes counselling could be a good idea, your drinking and affair are symptoms not the cause. It seems that things must be truly awful in doors if the coping mechanisms in place are this destructive to you.

I wonder if your Hoping that if he found out about the affair, he would do you the favour of ending the marriage. The drinking could be a self punishment for the affair even, a means and way to forget both that and home.

Look up the counselling directory for your area, or insist the GP puts you on the waiting list thanks

Daenerys2 Thu 18-Feb-16 16:08:39

Thank you both for taking time to reply. I have asked my husband to separate several times but it never happens as he says it's me with the problem not him and why should he leave the DC, which I sympathise with. I am drinking to numb the misery of the marriage and also cope with the guilt I feel about having the affair. But also, I am totally in love with the OM but he has children and a fiancée so I know that it is a dead end. It is wrong and I need to let go. I just feel so shitty about it all. Not expecting any sympathy as I know I'm totally in the wrong but have hit rock bottom, changed so much as a person and hate myself for it.

Marchate Thu 18-Feb-16 17:00:20

Being in the wrong or not is irrelevant at the moment. You are in need of help for what's happening now. The past will have to wait. Deal with that (or not) when you're stronger

OM - difficult as it may be, file him under "Don't even think about it"

Husband - he needs to accept that blaming you will not make his life better!

You - take the chance of counselling. Alone. Tell her everything that's happening

Look after yourself

Daenerys2 Thu 18-Feb-16 17:28:11

Thank you marchate. I have emailed a counsellor tonight and am hoping to get an appt with her. Thank you for your advice x

Marchate Thu 18-Feb-16 18:16:50

At least if you give that a chance, you have somewhere to move on from

Let us know how you get on

Resilience16 Fri 19-Feb-16 07:01:45

Hi D, sorry to hear you are in such a crappy situation and feeling so low. Here is a hug for you.
Well done for acknowledging you have problems and wanting to do something about them. That takes courage. Follow up the counselling option, also if you are working for a large company they also sometimes offer counselling through an employee assistance scheme.
Consider contacting AA for the drinking , and also Women's Aid for the failing marriage/ relationship issues and advice how to extracate yourself from that, if that is what you ultimately want. The Samaritans are there 24/7 if you feel really low and want to vent to someone nonjudgemental.The affair is something you know is unhealthy and unhelpful, the right choice for you would be to walk away and sort your head out, but it can be easier said than done, I know.
Good luck, I really feel for you. Things can get better xx

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