Frightened by his anger

[Lionsandmonkeys]

Hi

Today my dp got really angry. He was holding out baby in the kitchen and she was a bit grisly (I was upstairs with our 4yo). Our cats were pestering to be fed, something fell on the floor and then I heard him crashing around, I think he threw a box of cat food on the floor. He was still holding the baby and really angry trying to open the door to push the cats out as they were pestering still. I was scared for our baby and calmly asked him to pass her to me, after two or three requests he did so. I took her to another room with our four year old and waited. He started grabbing furniture that is due to go to the tip and crashing it outside.

A few minutes later I asked him if he was ok in a calm voice but I was scared and wanted to cry. He said yes but he can't deal with the pressure of so much to do (he works long hours, we moved house recently so lots of boxes everywhere etc, some financial issues). I said that he needs to be calm and if he does that again I'll call the police.

We've split up in the past partly due to this anger, it doesn't show often but I don't find it acceptable, he also swears in front of the children if he bumps his head etc.

[bb888]

Its really hard. I used to be frightened of my STBXH at times. In the end I realised I couldn't be with him.
The feeling of creeping about trying to keep the kids quiet just so things didn't get worse was horrible and I think one of the things that completely poisoned our relationship.
He would not (and does not) accept that anger was an issue.
So, sorry, I don't have any advice about the anger other than if he would look into anger managment? For my situation I feel a million times better from getting out of the relationship and while the initial break-up was very stormy he does now seem to control his anger better

[amarmai]

you sound like a strong self respecting woman who is finding it stressful to deal with a man who does not control himself. Do you think counselling is worth trying?

[goddessofsmallthings]

I said that he needs to be calm and if he does that again I'll call the police

There is nothing to be gained from making idle threats. If he does it again follow through; call 999 and ask the police to remove him from your home because his behaviour is scarily intimidating for both you and your dc, who deserve considerably more than having to witness their df throwing his toys out of the pram.

I also suggest you contact Women's Aid and read 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft.

His unacceptable behaviour has already caused you to split up and, as he hasn't seen fit to modify it, it's clear that he doesn't see any reason to change his ways.

Why are you still with him?

//www.womensaid.org.uk