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When did you realise you no longer loved your Exdp?

(17 Posts)
PeppasNanna Sun 07-Feb-16 23:56:30

Exdp cannot accept that our relationship has ended. My fault for taking him back 3 times. He cried tonight & i know its awful, i felt guilty & bad but overwhelmingly irritated...sad

I adored the man, I can't believe how I am responding & feeling.

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Feb-16 23:58:21

I think sometimes that feeling of love doesn't go, but you have to let the relationship go because it's just not good for you. Think of an alcoholic who gives up the booze or the dieter who gives up sugar. Some things are just bad for us and no matter how much we love them, they can't be part of our lives.

Baconyum Sun 07-Feb-16 23:59:23

When I realised I no longer fancied him was when I realised but I think it's a gradual thing.

PeppasNanna Mon 08-Feb-16 00:01:40

Imperial absolutely abit like the decision i make every day not to smoke...i would love a fag but chose not to smoke.

Baconyum I haven't fancied exdp in quite afew years sad

hownottofuckup Mon 08-Feb-16 00:02:53

I'm still realising it. It's like the longest flogging of a dead horse ever.
But then, I'm pretty sure there must be something wrong with me. Also the getting back together multiple times doesn't help, you start thinking you're a love story you're not
Do you have DC?

tigermoll Mon 08-Feb-16 00:03:49

It's a weird thing -- you can feel it coming 'in the post' for weeks or months (or years). But then it arrives. You don't love them. And you can't ignore it any more.

For me, it was talking to a friend of mine about my then-DP's plans for us that weekend. I rolled my eyes at her, and then thought 'WTF am I doing with a guy who makes me roll my eyes?'.

PeppasNanna Mon 08-Feb-16 00:07:22

We gave 4 dc.

He has no concept thatvhis behaviour especially in the last 8 years has had a lasting effect.

He keeps asking to 'talk'.

I have begged him to communicate with me for about the last 18 months.

sugar21 Mon 08-Feb-16 00:20:02

I walked out on dh, I had to as he fell in love with Mr Jack Daniels. I love the man to bits but he used to get so so drunk, pass out on the sofa and wee himself or worse. He's dry now but will always be an alcoholic.
He wasn't when we married but after our dd died he started drinking. I saw him a couple of days ago and we were getting on nicely as we always did and I do still love him, always will. It's just that events drove us apart, he wants to try again and I can't risk it even though I'm terribly lonely without him.

PeppasNanna Mon 08-Feb-16 00:44:07

sugarflowers thats incredibly sad. My sympathies.

So difficult & complicated at times...

pallasathena Mon 08-Feb-16 09:30:48

Had a lightbulb moment when I looked at him and thought 'why am I with him?" Something inside just switched off and I never looked back from that point on. He left and I started divorce proceedings. He thought I'd take him back as I had done several times if I'm honest but that switch inside remained firmly off and I was furious with myself for not seeing him clearly, for seeing what I wanted to see, for so many years. Really angry with myself. Still am...thirty years on. I was a fool to have ever got involved but so, so grateful I finally saw the light.

PeppasNanna Mon 08-Feb-16 09:46:16

pallasathena don't be so hard on yourself!

Better late then never...

Wombat87 Mon 08-Feb-16 09:48:39

When I asked for a pair of straighteners for my birthday. He took cash out and wrote "sorry I didn't have time" in the card. He was working in London at the time, with a salon on every bloody corner. Think that took the last of what I had left for him.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 08-Feb-16 09:48:42

When he was very drunk and got huffy because I didn't want something.
Then started getting very shouty, then actually raised his hand to hit me.
He didn't. That would have been it otherwise.
But he did become someone that maybe I couldn't trust.
Then 2 years later he cheated so that was that.

Fourormore Mon 08-Feb-16 09:51:39

Two years after we separated. I was really poorly, couldn't even get out of bed and he refused to have the children because it wasn't his day and it wasn't his job to help me out anymore. I couldn't believe that his principle of never doing me a favour meant he would leave his children without proper care. It was like a lightbulb going on.

TeaInACup Mon 08-Feb-16 10:56:56

When he was late home again and I wondered for a split second if he'd been in an accident, and actually didn't care. When the key went in the door and he arrived home, my heart sank. At that point I knew I had no feelings left.
I started divorce proceedings the next day, but then followed the worst two years of my life where he couldn't accept it. I have absolutely no regrets however, because where I am emotionally now is so much better than where I ever was within my EA marriage, and happy doesn't actually even come close..

LovelyFriend Mon 08-Feb-16 11:01:48

It sounds like after years of trying fruitlessly, you simply got to the point where you detached from him. Which is a great place to be considering the alternatives.

For me it came when he was really mean to me when I was very sick. It was like a bolt from the blue. Very powerful. That was the end of our relationship.

There is nothing wrong with you OP - in fact you are well on the road to being better that ever I would say.

Slowdecrease Mon 08-Feb-16 17:28:46

I goy dumped abruptly after four and a half years and was devastated giving it the "I'll never love again!!!!!!" treatment ....six weeks later I started talking to my now dp on tinder and immediately realised I clearly didn't really love my ex at all and hadn't for some time - so in my case - six weeks.

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