8 years ago, my sister had an affair with a married man. She also fell pregnant. Let's call the father Dick. His wife found out, everything got very ugly, it turned out Dick felt he should stay with his wife. His wife agreed that they would try again for the sake of their 2 daughters, but Dick mustn't see my sister or his child with her - also a little girl - ever again.
Dick stuck to this for maybe 3 years. He had nothing to do with my sister or their daughter together. Then something changed. He wanted to see his daughter. My sister agreed, access was arranged, slowly, slowly introducing Dick into my niece's life. And slowly, slowly, my sister resumed her relationship with Dick, and eventually he left his wife to be with her. On the face of it, it was a decent resolution to a pretty fucked up start to things. My sister and Dick were in an above-board relationship, living separately but with the aim of combining households.
Except that Dick is, well, a dick. Clue's in the name. He treats my sister appallingly. He criticises her home, her job, the food she prepares for him and her appearance. He calls her a skank. He lies to her about where he is going, disappears on lads holidays without telling her, sends suggestive messages to work colleagues. He is outrageously controlling, and won't let her talk to/see any of her male friends. He contacts her male friends through Facebook asking if my sister is a 'good girl'. She has never been unfaithful to him. This is by the by. He is a vile, vile human being.
He and my sister have just broken up for the umpteenth time. This time might be different. His daughters - now in their late teens/early twenties - hate my sister. Understandably. She seismically altered the course of their childhood and blew their family apart. To start with, they welcomed my niece, their half-sister, and she loved going to see them, but now they bully her and laugh at her and call her names. She's 7. To start with, they pretended to get along with my sister, now they send her truly vile, abusive text messages and set up fake Facebook profiles in her name. They refuse to be in Dick's house when my sister is there. If they have to be, they sit in their room and demand that Dick takes all their meals and drinks upstairs to them. Dick does nothing to stop any of this. He lets them speak to my sister however they like, she isn't allowed to respond, and now she can't go to his house as the daughters have decreed it isn't allowed.
Like I said, Dick is a dick. His daughters are never going to love my sister, but he is teaching them nothing by letting them behave like spoiled little shits. They're pretty much adults now. His job is to teach them how to be good human beings. He is failing dismally. But then he's a pretty crap human being himself.
ANYWAY. My sister has said that this isn't acceptable, that the relationship can't go on like this, so he has ended it.
And here's where I need help. She is heartbroken. Bereft. She loves him, she doesn't want all of the pain they have caused to be for nothing, she doesn't want to be on her own. I don't know what words to say. In my eyes, this is no loss. It is, in fact, brilliant news. He's a horrible horrible man. But that really isn't constructive. That doesn't make her feel any better.
And I really want to make her feel better. Her self-esteem is shot to pieces and it's his fault. She is beautiful and funny and kind. She won't be on her own. But he's told her so many times no-one else would have her, she's a skank, a slut... He's a very intelligent, articulate, charming man. He's broken her.
Help me make it better. What are the words?
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My sister is broken hearted. Wise words needed...
17 replies
CauliflowerBalti · 26/01/2016 14:09
OP posts:
IamlovedbyG ·
26/01/2016 15:15
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