Quick question re Match and Tinder

[Winniethewylde]

Do you need to sign up to these to browse them or can you just look without joining?

Reason I ask is that I had a sneaky look at my STBXH's phone when he was in the shower (we still live together) and he had both apps open on different women. Just wondering whether he's looking to replace me already. Prick.

[madamedesevigne]

You have to sign up with your Facebook account to use Tinder, there's no way of browsing without being a signed-up member. Sorry.

[Winniethewylde]

Thanks for responding. I guess I know what I'm dealing with now then.

[HandyWoman]

I mean this gently, but if he's your stbxh does it really matter?

If it's over, looking at his phone. Start to detach and focus on yourself.

[HandyWoman]

I mean stop looking at his phone.

[Winniethewylde]

No it doesn't matter really. I was just curious nosy

I feel more at peace now though iykwim.

[fuckadella]

You sign if you want to browse but you have to pay if you want to communicate.

[kittybiscuits]

Mine signed up the week I told him the relationship was over, even though I didn't get him out of the house for another 6 months. He used annual leave to bring women to the family home when we were out at work/school. Seems to be standard for twats newly single males.

[Winniethewylde]

That's very poor Kitty. It does seem that way doesn't it? Did it make you feel completely worthless and replaceable? I don't love him anymore but it still makes me feel shit about myself.

[HandyWoman]

Signing up within days of the end of a LTR shows they lack emotional depth in trying to hookup with a stranger immediately - and merely confirms that ending the relationship is the right decision! Good riddance and hurray!

[Winniethewylde]

The stupid thing is I agonised for months over my decision to separate. He just accepted it with no fight whatsoever and has appeared to move on straight away. Most definitely the right decision.

[Dungandbother]

Ignore.
He needs to feel that someone wants him.

There's an element of ego trip for men on apps like Tinder. They will like every girl they see and wait for matches. Lots of matches must mean they are hot. Assume some women do the same.

If you get to online dating stage, you spend more time laughing at pictures of desperate men than engaging in any thought provoking conversations.

[kittybiscuits]

Snap Winnie. Excellent decision you made. Match/Tinder whatever is just irrelevant to your better future. When will you able to live separately?

[Winniethewylde]

Oh I don't know Kitty. It's so frustrating. It's my weekend with the kids this weekend, we've been out and got back but he's just hanging round the house. We only started mediation in December and unfortunately neither of us can afford to move out at the moment. What about you? Do you have children?

[kittybiscuits]

Yes I have two girls and moved into my own place almost a year ago. You sound really deflated and fed up. It's horrible living together when the decisions made. How do you think things might change or move on if neither of you can afford to move out? It will make a huge difference when you have your own space.

[Winniethewylde]

I am, totally fed up. I was trying to cook the dcs dinner earlier and he was just hanging around us with a bottle of beer in his hand waiting for his taxi.

I think we'll need to sell the house. We're about 4 months away from the divorce being finalised I guess, I expect the financial stuff will take a whole lot longer.

How did you cope with the interim of living together?

[kittybiscuits]

Sorry - I read the messages out of turn somehow. The women/hook ups didn't feel good but it was a clear articulation of the contempt I had been on the receiving end of for years but that he wouldn't name. We weren't married so I don't really understand the impact of divorce on the sequence of sorting out financial matters. We had a couple of months after I told him (had to - wouldn't book a holiday) when the kids didn't know due to exams. Then a couple of months of hell all living together and knowing. Then I sold the house in no time at all and forced him to move out. The whole thing was like pushing an elephant up a mountain. Once I realised that his contribution to ending the relationship, just like his contribution to the relationship, would be zilch, I was like a woman possessed. Are there some groundrules that would help in the short term? Do you have an agreed timeframe of future events?

[kittybiscuits]

My ex rented for 6 months once the house sale was agreed. The relief was massive.

[Winniethewylde]

He's a bloody nightmare quite frankly. Like yours, he's contributing nothing to the situation, not arranging, signing or organising anything. Just sitting back and letting me do it all, while playing the perfect dad card. I'm so worn down with it all.

I just cannot wait until he goes. What sort of ground rules would you suggest? I'm sick of him just being here and tired of always being the one sorting everything out.

[kittybiscuits]

Hmm. It sounds like it's quite easy for him to sit there and piss you off. How old are your children? Are you happy to leave them in his care and go do your own thing? I made a boundary after ex had brought women in the house. I just said he could not conduct his relationships or sex life in the family home. I set a deadline for him to move out and said that if he didn't go I would rent a property for me and the children and I would tell them why we had to move out while he stayed in there home.

[kittybiscuits]

*their