Married to an alcoholic, who constantly drags me and our daughter down..help :(

[cookiecrumble1]

Hi this is my very first thread so please bear with me. I am just at the end of my tether.
I have been married to my husband for 13 years,we have been together for 20 years but for the majority of the time we have constantly argued. We have a nearly 12 year old daughter whom at the moment is very moody,angry, ect.
My husband drinks whiskey every day after he gets home from work- at least half a bottle a night, between 3/4 - a full bottle at weekends. Following drinking he becomes sarcastic,loud and argumentative. We are either arguing or go days without speaking. He has never been violent but he has "lost it" a couple of times over the last few weeks as my daughter does not respect him at all. He can't cope with her attitude towards him, but she has seen and heard so many drunken arguments over the last few years, he is constantly nit-picking over her messy bedroom ( which isn't that bad!), she then tells him to get out,then it starts. The other night this happened, he lost it and pushed her over (with some added drama from my daughter).i had to stand between them while he shouted and swore at her.
The next day I tried to tell him he was wrong,he disagreed and said it was that or slapping her and hit she carries on being cheeky he would do it again. I can't bear him near me anymore, he has slept on the sofa for nearly 3 years. I have threatened to leave so many times, he just says F off then and take her with you, and he won't be going anywhere. I don't know what to do......

[loveyoutothemoon]

I think you do....

[earlgreycat]

Women's Aid can talk you through all the options and will listen and not judge: www.womensaid.org.uk

You can get help to remove him from the family home. You know it's not going to get better, right? Posting here was a good first step.

[tribpot]

Why on earth should your daughter respect him? It's time to act now. She deserves to be able to spend the remainder of her childhood safe.

[cookiecrumble1]

The thought of leaving is easy, actually plucking the courage up to do it is another thing: I would lose my home. Where would I go? I don't want to disrupt my daughter as she only started a local high school in September, my parents live miles away. I haven't got any savings of my own.im just so trapped,it's horrible 😓

[leaningtoweroflego]

Speak to women's aid, they can help you with where you will go.

[Wolfiefan]

I was once in a similar situation to your daughter. Please get help and get rid of him. You and her will be happier. Seek legal and monetary advice.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Why would you lose your home? That would be very surprising with children living there. You'd probably get more than 50:50 and the house at least until they are all grown. Have you spoken to a solicitor yet to find out the facts?

More importantly though, what does a house and a school matter? You had to hold off an angry grown man from further physically assaulting your daughter while he shouted and swore at her. How badly does she have to be hurt before it is worth more than some temporary disruption?

[cookiecrumble1]

Thank you

[Wolfiefan]

Hoping you find the strength and support to get free.

[earlgreycat]

Staying as things are will disrupt her far more.