Can't stop thinking about ex

[ClassicMonkey]

We broke up a year ago. We were together for 3 years. Lived together for 1. No dcs.

We hadn't had sex for 7 months. He just didn't find me attractive. I'd like to say at the end we were just friends but he used to get so angry with me. Grabbed me a few times but never hit me.

I ended it. He accused me of cheating. He stayed for a month then moved out. I still live here.

After Christmas we became good friends. Would have movie nights and go for meals. He made it clear that he wanted to make a go of things. I didn't think it would work at the time but in the future as I thought we needed time apart.

He started seeing a girl in my friendship group. I've known her for years. He always complained about her lifestyle and how he disagreed with it.

Then he cut me off. Was very cruel when we bumped into each other.

I've had two short term relationships. Both horrible. One raped me.

I'm now dating a guy I've known for 10+ years. He makes me feel so safe and everyone's always said we'd be good together. I can see it turning into a long term thing.

Now I can't stop thinking about my exDP. I miss him and I feel so lonely and angry that he's loved up even though I'm dating someone.

Why can't I stop thinking about him?! He's been in my dreams and I can't stop thinking about them.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

You need to give yourself time to get over your exx and your more recent traumatic experience(s)

In the year since splitting up with your ex, you've considered reconciliing with him, ricocheted through 2 more relationships and then into a third.

Sometimes your emotions take a while to catch up with yourself. I suspect that you can't stop thinking about him now because you threw yourself into dating and didn't process how you felt about splitting up with your ex.

It sounds as though you need to do some work on your boundaries and self esteem.

Did you report the rape?

[ClassicMonkey]

I was single for 6 months after I broke up with him and I had no romantic feelings for him at all.
It's only since I've started dating this new guy that I feel like I miss him.

I didn't report the rape because his mother threatened to come after me. It's a long story. We were together a couple of months. It ended in July and he has been intermittently stalking me since

[Epilepsyhelp]

Please break up with the new guy, he does not deserve this. If it ends up long term you could end up with kids etc then you will all end up broken-hearted

[ClassicMonkey]

epilepsy we're not in a relationship. We're just dating. He's not really really a new guy either. As I said I've known him for 10+ years

I just feel like I don't deserve anything good in my life. I was completely over my ex when I started seeing other people. I'd checked out of the relationship months before I'd ended it.

I just feel like new guy is too good for me and I deserved how ex treated me

[category12]

Counselling?

[pocketsaviour]

I just feel like new guy is too good for me and I deserved how ex treated me

I think your recent horrible experience with the rape has clouded your judgement about yourself. Could you consider talking to Rape Crisis for support? Or asking your GP? They won't report the rape or pressure you to do so.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

I think pocket is right.

And, harsh as it might sound, I think the 'new' guy deserves more than to travel this journey with you. I know because I've thought, "I can do it as long as I've got X" but it doesn't really work like that. Sadly.

And you don't need the added presesure of a relationship or dating when you have so much to process.