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Ive reached the end

(16 Posts)
Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 17:53:23

I just cant do it anymore, I cant take his disloyalty, his disregard, his complete and utter lack of care for me and my feelings.

To provide background ive been with my partner for 7+ years. During that time I have been harassed by his ex/her friends and her family to the stage where I had to get police involved.

He did approach her/the others and from what I gather tried nicely to reason with them, there was no "don't talk to me anymore if you continue to treat my girlfriend like this", no "you are disgusting behaving this way towards Sosohurt".

this I accepted - he had a child with her - I didn't want to cause any more issues, I stood by him through bankruptcy, subsequent depression, operation, you name it.

he has allowed his daughter whom I have gone out of my way to be good to to disrespect me on an ongoing basis for over a year now, this I also accepted in the he knows how to handle this best scenario.

Today I reached the end, I found out that via social media he is attempting to be friendly towards his ex/her family again. It just woke me up, he has never really stood up for me, never wanted to be involved in my issues with them, even though they harassed me over him - I was not the ow but his wife decided she wanted to reconcile with him when we were together about 6 months and when he stayed with me the harassment started.

I have been called a loon, a crazy, told Im mental etc etc for objecting to this. Basically really nasty nasty stuff. Im drained. My friend has contacted me to say she was aware that he was at this and that she found it so disrespectful also that she said it to him.

I have asked him to leave our shared rental apartment and he says he will go when suits him. Im utterly exhausted fighting him but my son goes to school nearby here and I don't want to have to move, very little rental opportunities around here - sorry I just needed to say all that [sad}

SexNamesRFab Wed 05-Aug-15 17:57:08

Sorry you're going through this - it sounds like you've made the right decision. The next few weeks will be hard, but once you've got him out I'm sure it will be a relief.

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:02:43

I hope so sex names, at the minute it feels so strange, he was retweeting stuff they sent and liking fb photographs on another relatives post. I have no idea why he is doing this.

I have been so good to him, I feel used and abused. My very kind but direct friend as told me straight. He is trying to pretend that he is a nice guy to everyone and not fall out with anybody but he is doing it at my expense.

She very succinctly informed me that he didn't have the balls to stand up for me as that would mean that he would have to take sides. Im still shocked that I didn't notice before that he was so completely spineless and selfish.

My son is crazy about him, dad he never had but I just cant keep going on with him now. He called me some terrible names, made reference to my mental health. Im drained.

I don't know if he will go = if he does he will drag it out

butterflygirl15 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:03:56

why an't he leave sooner? Whose name is the lease in?

butterflygirl15 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:04:11

* can't

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:08:59

the lease is in his name, he says he cnt leave as he has to find somewhere suitable to live first, ie somewhere within his budget and also with enough space to store his massive amounts of stuff.

at present the place we are in is very large and his stuff takes up at least three quarters of the space.

I think the only reason he is saying he will go is that he wouldn't like how it would look if he asked me to move out with a child.

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 18:16:10

he has unfriended me from fb - not his ex's family mind you - so shocked

goddessofsmallthings Wed 05-Aug-15 18:55:08

He's seen your kindness as weakness, honey, and has exploited it.

If you leave him you and your ds will be homeless and the local authority will have a duty to house you.

Give Shelter a call or make contact with your local branch of Women's Aid for advice on your right to social/council housing.
www.shelter.org.uk
www.womensaid.org.uk

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 19:02:08

yeah, you could well be right goddess, although im no shrinking violet, I give as good as I get I can be very cutting verbally when pushed and I let him know where I stand with him and what I think. My son is happy here in this place and #I don't want any more upheaval for him. Jesus I sound so weak!!!

I suppose I cant understand why he has spent all this time with me and my son, talked of marriage, children of our own, divorced his ex etc etc and then did this.

He was so vicious to me with the things he said, he made reference to very severe depression that I suffer from, called me nuts, made reference to me not speaking to various members of my family over abuse that I suffered as a teenager (sexual) - its the constant reference to my depression that really hrts, truly truly guts me

TRexingInAsda Wed 05-Aug-15 19:06:10

NO!! FFS goddess that's the shittest advice I've ever read - have a brain! Do not leave voluntarily. If you are voluntarily homeless, the LA don't have a duty to house you. Do look for somewhere else and put your name on the housing register though - just because he has agreed to move out doesn't mean he actually will.

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 19:10:03

trex and goddess im grateful for any advice. I know its all meant to help. Apart from practicalities im just so devastated - for myself and my son.

Im a shit mother exposing him to this crap sad

TRexingInAsda Wed 05-Aug-15 19:13:49

You're not - you're ending the crap, and he'll be much, much better off out of this shit situation. It's not you - your ex is a complete cock. x

TheNewSchmoo Wed 05-Aug-15 19:21:03

Can't stop but goddess is completely wrong. I work in social housing. Do not make yourself homeless.

Sosohurt2015 Wed 05-Aug-15 19:26:32

why did he do it through trex when he knew the trouble it would cause.

Is he so much more concerned with his image that with me or my son? sad

ive wasted nearly 8 years of my life, he is the only father my son has ever known and he thought so little of us that he let me take all that harassment for years, soft soaped me to believe that his way was the best way to handle it all.

now I find he was just prepared to let me take the stress - my son to watch me taking the stress - and then go back to trying to be all friendly friendly to keep the peace and make life easier for himself.

I should have realised what he was letting me in for when his daughter started up and he stated that he wasn't "taking sides" even when she was blatantly ignorant to me

TRexingInAsda Wed 05-Aug-15 21:42:15

I don't know why, but some people are just cunts. Sorry for your situation, but make sure it's only 8 years he's wasted - don't let it get to 9 or 10 etc x

pocketsaviour Wed 05-Aug-15 21:47:05

OP are you working? I'm assuming you are if you can afford to take over the lease, but would it not make more sense to look for a smaller rental nearby so your son could stay in his school but you would have far smaller outgoings? Would also mean you were taking control and not just sitting there waiting for him to get his shit together, which could take forever. (And given what you've described of his weak and passive nature, he will probably make no effort to look for anywhere, he'll assume you'll move out if he makes it unpleasant enough.)

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