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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

You know the thread that asked how to turn a man on? Well, can we go back a step please?

14 replies

Ladylouanne · 03/08/2015 21:08

I am so out of touch that I don't even know how to let a man know I like him.

I was widowed four years ago, after quite a difficult marriage, so the grieving process has been quite complex. However, I'm now feeling pretty good about life, and would like to meet someone, however the last ime I went on a first date was in 1988!

I've recently started online dating which I'm not holding out much hope for, but I thought it would at least get me taking to men again. However, the buggeration factor is that I've met someone in real life that I quite like.

I met him for only the second time in 6 months on Saturday which I ended up sitting next to him at a dinner. He rreally made me laugh and we chatted lots. Anyway, I braved adding him on FB on Sunday (we're in a shared interest group already so not that pushy really). He accepted and sent a really nice message which I replied to. He replied back but the conversation was at a sort of natural closest that's it.

I just don't know what to do next - I'm totally rusty at this and bloody scared of rejection as well.

OP posts:

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rouxlebandit · 03/08/2015 21:14

Sounds as if you're already doing well. What does 'natural closest' mean?

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Ladylouanne · 03/08/2015 21:23

That should be 'natural close'!

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rouxlebandit · 03/08/2015 21:54

I've no experience of OLD as I've been married to a lovely woman for over 30 years. But why don't you feel you will have much success with it?

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MairzyDoats · 03/08/2015 22:08

Can you send him a quick email re the shared interest...maybe ask him a question?

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Morethanyou · 03/08/2015 22:16

You'll be fine OP. Recently started OLD too and my last first date was in 1989! Once you've done it once you'll find it's not really that scary after all.

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youbethemummylion · 03/08/2015 22:16

Is the shared interest something that could lead to you meeting up, attending an event together? For instance I am part of a Facebook group for a particular dog breed so I could say "would you like to take the dogs for a walk at such and such a park it would benice for them to play together" or "did you know about the new dog friendly cafe on the seafront would you like to try it out with me sometime" etc

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grumpasaur · 03/08/2015 22:19

Hi Op,

Am I right in thinking you are late 40s / early 50s? Not that it matters attraction wise but I have found that as (some!!) people age they become more comfortable with who they are and want they want. Could you just email him and ask him to coffee or something? The worst he can say is no!

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notrocketscience · 03/08/2015 23:58

Use the shared interest group. Perhaps suggest on there a meeting up of a few of you for whatever it is you like doing. If he comes along you have another chance to chat without feeling you are chasing him?

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Cocalite · 04/08/2015 00:04

Don't regret...be brave

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Ladylouanne · 04/08/2015 07:45

Thanks for your replies everyone. I went to bed early and missed them!

Grumpasur, you're right about my age - I'm 48. That's part of the issue actually - I think this guy is about three years younger than me which doesn't help with my insecurities. However, on the other hand, anyone I've spoken to re OLD has been over 50 (which is within the age range I've said) but they have seemed so much older than me. Either actually or mentally retired!

I think the shared interest is the way to go. I maybe able to create a pre-text for messaging him as we did have a chat on Saturday about a couple of other groups that I have the contact details for.

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Ladylouanne · 01/09/2015 19:23

Bit of an update and a thank you to those who egged me on!

Well I did contact this chap with details of the group I thought he was interested in. He messaged me back, and we continued to message every couple of days for a bit. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we spent the day together yesterday - long walk and lunch with lots of general talking about this and that.

I've no idea if he sees me as just a friend or is thinking of more, but at least I made the move! He lives about an hour away though, however I know I'll see him again at an event in few weeks.

Now I'm just doing that thing of wondering if he'll get in touch before then....

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Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 20:16

Ooo well done lady!! Sounds good

Have no idea what to say 're the waiting for him to be in touch. I am as out of practice as you! But good luck x

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Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 20:22

And, ahem, where is the thread about how to turn a man on?

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Ladylouanne · 01/09/2015 20:25

I have no idea either Bullett - I'm still amazed at managing to get to the point of yesterday to be honest. I had to drop a few hints, but he suggested it which was good.

The odd thing is that I wouldn't actually say I fancied him. However, there is something about his smile and the way he describes things that attracts me.