Am I doing a daft thing?

[Festivefriend]

Ok, long story...almost 3 years ago I broke up with long term partner and father to my kids. 2 years ago I met a man over the internet, same age as me but lived miles away. We met up and decided to do the long distance thing. A number of things put me off him:

1. still lived with his mother
   
2. wasin loads of debt (around £20k's worth).
   
3. Treated money like water, would spend all his wages on xbox games, dvd's, clothes...he saved nothing, paid his mum nothing and was continuously borrowing from her.
   
4. he started getting above his stations with my kids, telling them off all the time, being snappy with them, shouting at them..
   
5. I got a bit paranoid that he was using me as a way of getting out of his parents home as I already had a house that he was intending to move into.
   
6. he was very lazy, constantly "tired" and would lie in bed for most of the day when he came down to see me.
   
   Anyway, to cut a very long story short I eventually got sick of him, it was like dating a teenager and we split up, we were together for a year and a half.
   
   We have continued to speak on msn as friends, he has come down here twice since, first time out of the blue trying to talk me around and the second time he told me that he would be coming down to collect his stuff that he still had at my house.
   
   We havnt seen each other for months now but here is the complicated bit...
   
   I don't have any friends that actually go out or do anything other than sit in the house watching tv, this is the only thing I miss about this man, we did go out now and again!
   
   I will be spending christmas on my own which I don't mind but I really wasnt looking forward to spending new years eve stuck in the house on my own...this is when he asked if I fancied going on on new years eve, just as friends...rightly or wrongly, I agreed.
   
   So now this is planned but what is worrying me is that he makes it obvious that he still has feelings for me, from my point of view there is no way in hell that we'd ever get back together but I wanted to make sure he felt the same.
   
   So last night on msn I brought it up in conversation that we were only going out as friends on NYE and that we would never get back together, he went all moody and depressive saying I had no need to bring all that up and that I should just relax and see "what happens" and "take things as they come" etc...he also said I'd spoilt his NYE now as he's going to be walking on egg shells in case he says anything that I take the wrong way. Personally I think it needed to be brought up so that we both knew where we stood!
   
   So, what are your opinions on the whole situation?

[colditz]

Personally I think you should stay away from this prick. He is being manipulative, and this sounds exactly the sort of situation in which Rohypnol gets slipped into drinks "As a laugh!", you end up shagging him without your knowledge, never mind your consent, and when you query this event, he tells you you were "Putting out all the right signals, and you didn't say no when I asked!"

Paranoid? Maybe. But entirely possible, and more likely with this loser than a decent man.

[Carmenere]

Forget about him, it's over and apart from the fact that he is a twat of the highest order(you've had quite a few threads about him iirc) and you are well rid of him, it is unkind to use someone who has feelings for you(dubious though his motives are)just because you are bored.

[Festivefriend]

But another thing... he says he has changed.

He's apparantly been paying loads off his debts, has stopped eating like a pig and has started spending money wisely. He also says he realises what a prick he was with the kids and has since chilled out and has more tolerance...should I give him another chance?

[PinkTinsel]

tbh, having been in similar friendships with men i had no feeling for but who did have feeling for me, i'd say not to go.

every one of these 'friendships' has ended badly for me with the guy trying something on (sometimes repeatedly if i didn't end the friendship the first time) and me feeling intensly uncomfortable being around them.

it's up to you, if you're realy desperate for the night out i can see why you'd want to go but personally i'd feel so uncomfortable all night it wouldn't be worth it.

[PinkTinsel]

they all say they've changed!

has he moved out of his parents?
is he clear of debt?
has he started saving money?
has he taken up some sort of hobby/sport to keep him active?

[Carmenere]

Oh well if he says he has changed that's different
No don't give him another chance, he treated you like dirt.

[Fattymumma]

tell him your not going out on NYE, by continueing contact with him he is living with the possibilty of there being a chance for your relatiosnhip. it is unfair on him and unfair on you, there will be a time sooner or later that he pushes teh situation and that is when (as colditz said) the possibiltuy of things getting nasty occurs.

join your local Gingerbread group, join a gym, go to a toddler group...anything where youc an meet other mums in a similar situation that way you can go out and enjoy yourself whenever you like.