What to do when it ends?

[calebsmum]

I'm crying my eyes out as I type this as I really thought we'd be together forever and also at ds not living with his daddy.

Me and my partner have been together for 6yrs and have a 20mth ds. Things have been bad for a while, not talking, arguing lots not sex life ect. Have spent half of today not talking after arguing over whether we should take a load of rubbish to the tip or not, he sulks like a teenager and even looks himself in the bedroom, am slowly coming to the realistation that there's not really a future for our relationship. Money wise there's no way I could afford to buy a flat or house or even rent one, what should I do and who should I see?? We haven't actaully split yet but I doubt we are going to last much longer and I really don't know what to do, god this is depressing me so much...

[Rocklover]

CB, I am so sorry for what you are going through, having just split myself and I have a 23 month old DD. Unfortunately I don't know a huge amount about housing as I have chosen to live back with my parents for the time being, but I will have to think about moving out at some point.

Fisrt point of contact should always be family or friends if possible as you will need support. Secondly go to the CAB, they will be able to give you advice (both legal and finacial), also may be worth getting an appt with your local job centre as they can advise you abour what benefits you are entitled to (jobseekers allowance etc) and how to apply for them. Then contact the local council about housing, the probability will be that they cannot offer anything, but should advise you whether you can get on the waiting list, or what alternatives are out there (e,g housing associations).

There are all sorts of things you will be entitled to: Child Tax Credits (with which I get milk tokens and an NHS card which entitles me to free prescriptions and dental treatment). If you work over 16 hours a week you can apply for Working Tax Credits and this can include help with childcare payments.

I know all this sounds bewildering and scary and you are feeling somewhat fragile becuase you are grieving, but it does get better (possibly worse before hand). If you are really struggling, go to your GP and they maybe able to refer to counselling etc. I hope this is helpful, good luck sweetheart.

[rainbowgirl]

calebsmum sorry you are going through all this darlin.. i went through just the same with my dd's father and it was the most horrible thing.. the slow dawning realisation that it just wasn't going to get any better.. things got better once we split up. they really did. wishing you luck and courage, keep posting xx

[frenchconnection]

hi, i am going throught the exact same thing (for the 2nd time- with my 2nd partner) and it means selling the house we bought only 9mths ago, and living on benefits.
Dont get upset about it, it really isnt that bad and it is very do-able. your son will be fine, he has you. splitting up with my dd's dad six years ago was the best thing i ever did, and now it is happening with my husband im sure things will work out for me in a few years.
Theres no point staying with someone just for the kids, it never works and makes you miserable. you could find a private rented place and apply for income support and housing benefit, or could you work??

[Pages]

Don't want to seem like I am undermining your decision at all, but are you sure this isn't something that could be worked through? Me and DH went through the most horrendous patch of arguing after DS2 was born, it lasted for six months, and I came the closest I've ever come to leaving and am so glad now that I didn't.

Does he know you are leaving and how does he feel about it? Is there a possibility that he engineers these rows precisely because he is afraid of losing you? Or does he need more space and not know how to ask for it? Has he had trouble adjusting to the birth of your DS? Would he consider going to counselling with you?

There is a theory that the person we get the most "stuck" with is the one we can also grow most with. I may be completely of track and he may be a lost cause but if you think about what attracted you to him when you first met, are you sure there is no way back there?