I know I'm a guy, but all men know that ladies give the best relationship advice ;)
Long story, but the short version is :-
Married my childhood girlfriend, had two beautiful daughters. Unknown to me I was suffering from PTSD from events which happened during my time in the forces. This also led to depression, and gradually grew to affect me more and more during my 20's and 30's until I finally realised something was wrong and got some help. By then the damage was done. I'd thrown everything at my ex, including affairs and emotional abuse and still she stuck by me, until one day she admitted she was scared of me and it was like a bullet through my heart. I couldn't stay any longer and left 5 years ago.
Throughout all this, I really cannot ever remember feeling love for anyone. My kids yes... But not my wife, family or anyone else. I was almost without emotion other than anger. Strangely, when my 17 year old cat died, I totally broke down. MY pshrink told me all this is normal with someone suffering PTSD, but that doesn't make it easier to accept.
Eventually I found a treatment which worked, and I truly feel like a totally different person to the one I was for over 20 years.
The last 5 years I've done my share of having fun, dating short term relationships etc... but mostly tried to be there as much as possible for my kids, and to help my ex as much as possible, probably to assuage some of the guilt I feel about how I treated her.
Queue a new lady on the scene. We met and just clicked. For whatever reason we tried to just be fwb. I think it suited us both at the time because we wanted different things from our futures and I had just finished a fairly turbulent but passionate short term fling.
Over time I started to feel more for her, and suddenly found myself admitting to her I loved her. That I wanted to try and make a go of things even having more children.
Without giving too much detail, something happened which suddenly made her put the time we'd be FWB under scrutiny. I was unable to convince her the assumptions she'd made were incorrect, and she cut me off. Just totally blanked me.
So three months on, hope has been lost and I am trying to move on. On reflection I realised that for the first time since I can ever remember, I really, fell deeply in love with someone else. I'd never felt it that I could remember. And I liked it. But damn losing it is hurting still.
So the reassurance I guess I'm after is this. Can you ever find that sort of love again ? I feel like I've had my two best shots with my ex wife and this lady and blown both. Is it possible to be lucky again ?
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Relationships
Not sure what I'm asking for... Reassurance maybe.
7 replies
Rockluvvindad · 05/07/2015 14:11
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