Feeling isolated and let down

[Welshy40]

I've been married for 16 years to a man I met at work we have 3 great kids but I feel completely unfulfilled and taken for granted. I have one friend who, when I see her (probably once a month for a hurried coffee) is great however I have been very poorly for the last 2 months and she has not even bothered to call or text once. My work colleagues have checked in with polite messages of 'when are you coming back' and my family and in laws have not been seen or heard. My husband is sympathetic up to a point but I feel he is more frustrated at the lack of sex rather than genuinely bring concerned for my health. He is secretive, hugely defensive of his parents and sisters who have absolutely no concern for me or my children and continues to have a great social life spending at least 3 nights a week at the pub. He is often moody and it is now obvious that my teenage daughters are intolerant of him because of his abrasive manner. I have no other social contact and having now spent an extended period of time at home I realise how isolated I am as nobody cares. My children are past the play date age and so I don't have the school gate mums to fall back on. I am looking for a new job in the hope it will help me mix with new people and have joined a gym but I find people are already comfortable in their friendships and not particularly receptive to chatting with strangers. Any advice?

[FlossyMcTrumpetson]

//Www.meetup.com is ace. You put in your interests and meet with other people in your area who have those interests but are also interested in meeting people and socialising.
Don't bother with the gym (unless you are there to get fit) - people don't go there to make friends they go there to get fit!!

[FlossyMcTrumpetson]

Ps a possible reason why people look like they don't care is that you MAY to them, look like you have it all and are fine. They will be assuming your husband and kids will be looking after you.
I'm a single mum and just assume all of my coupled up friends wouldn't want me pestering them as their partners must be looking after them. I'm probably wrong but in this day and age people def don't reach out to help each other so much anymore and it's a damn shame in my opinion!

[Janette123]

welshy40,
I am sorry you have been ill.
What medical advice have you been given about having sex again?
Could you have a chat with you GP about this?

New friendships take time to develop, so don't rule out the gym people just yet.
Getting a new job is an excellent idea, so good luck with that.

[helenck]

Sound like you've lost your identity a bit - you've become mum and wife and not YOU. I wonder if... you were given, say, 80 life values (each written on a card), which ones you'd pick for yourself? The one's that you'd want to stand up for, the ones that really move you (not the one's imposed by parental messages, husband, kids or society) = pick 10 values that speak for you. Then... might you not currently be doing stuff that is in-service to your values (your core identity)? I guess we (all) don't know what to do/where to turn, unless we've identified who we are/would like to be and, then, what we're going to do about it.