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seperation sadness

(4 Posts)
Timeisagreathealer Wed 01-Jul-15 08:42:45

Hi, please be gentle with me im new to mumsnet and am feeling very fragile..ive had pretty much the worse year any one could have my father was ill with leukemia last year and sadly passed away in november..i was very close with my father so it hit us all hard as a family..my husband as then was what i called a functioning alcoholic, had drank for all our time together 15 and a half years..i tried everything to try to get him to stop as it was effecting my health and making me very unhappy, it was very hard his drinking always came before me sitting up till early hours off the morning on his own and not getting up in the morning, i did most of the stuff for everyone in the family he he;ped with chores but he didnt drive so i did all the driving on family holidays..christmas ,bills parents eve, you name it i did it..his drinking got steadily worse hiding it he just kept saying he was depressed so i tried to help him..three months ago it came to a head and he left me and our children although my daughter is 18.. i was devastated couldnt eat sleep nothing sobbing all the time, he then actually told me he had told everyone at work he was drinking because he was unhappy ..i was convinced there was someone else but he kept denying it..anyway to cut a long story short he has met someone else, moved in with her..so i had to then cope with the fact that he had been having an affair whilst i was grieving or even caring for my father..i was devastated i am a lot better now but still struggle a lot have good days bad days.. he refuses to talk about normal things..wants his son to stop over but refuses to give me his address so i wont let him go..left me with debt he has been awful..but i still miss him..and wonder how can this be that someone can treat you so awful but then end up just walking away moving on with no cares in the world and be happy (i dont know if he is happy) but the mind always leads you to believe that they are..i sometimes feel that he was behaving in such a way because of me and it was all my fault...i do think he has left with issues that hes not dealing with so maybe they will catch up with him....sorry to be awful but i pray for karma to do her work on him..thanks for listening..feeling battered bruised. bitter , sad, angry, hopeless sad

Skiptonlass Wed 01-Jul-15 08:59:53

Poor you sad

Would it help to think of it as not so much missing HIM but grieving for the life and future together you should have had?

It's natural to go through a process like grief after a separation. You're letting go of all the things you thought would happen in the future, it's almost like a bereavement. Then your logical mind tells you the guy was an arse so you 'shouldnt' be sad about it and that contradiction makes you feel worse.

Your feelings are entirely valid, don't try to suppress them, but try to focus away from him.

Timeisagreathealer Wed 01-Jul-15 09:40:45

thanks for your support..i gave everything to my marriage..took my vowels very seriously,,i do think this was meant to happen and i will be a lot happier in the future, its just getting through the pain but as they say you have to go through it not around it to get over it..thanks again

Timeisagreathealer Wed 01-Jul-15 09:43:33

men just walk away and start a fresh. us women have to pick up the pieces even through our devastation

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