DP doing somthing he should'nt!!!!!

[MINNIE1]

Ladies,

Due in 2 wks and i found DP was doing cocaine on sat nite!!!!

I knew there was somthing fishy when he wanted to go out, So i waited till yesterday and i just knew he was at it (he had all the signs). So when i got the chance i looked in his wallet and the proof was there!! I know this is a once off but i am so mad with him. I asked him to tell me stright up what he was at and he lied, he nearly fell over when i told him what he was at! We have a DD and i am in a muddle. I want to protect her and this is what he does!!! I cant bare to look at him at the mo so as for talking thats out the window till i calm down. I cant tell anyone eg sister, friend cause thay would go mad. I have no one to turn to..
He is very good to me and DD, but it hurt me when he lied to my face, alarm bells went of can i even trust this man! My hormones are all over the place i just keep busting out crying! The house is spotless from temper cleaning.
I just dont know what to do!!!

[NomDePlume]

Is this a one off ?

TBH, I think your hormones are getting the better of you a bit here. Yes, taking cocaine is a bad idea, but he did it on a night out with his mates not at home with you and the kids and it seems to have been a one-off (from what your post suggests). You have every right to be cross with him, of course, but I do think that maybe 'how can I ver trust this man' is blowing things a little out of proportion.

[MINNIE1]

Its the fact that he lied to my face! If he told me stright up it would be alot easier.

[NomDePlume]

Maybe he lied because he realised that it was bit of stupid thing to do and didn't want to upset you, especially with the birth being imminent ?

Just trying to play Devil's Advocate for a moment.

[Kelly1978]

I would be furious too, even if it was a one off, both about the cocaine and the lying. Has he ever done anything like this before?
I think the only thing you can really do is talk to him though, and see if you can work and building up trust again. I don't blame you for the way you are feeling, but it might have been a one off mistake and he may never do it again.

[TheHighwayCod]

id nick it adn see if he asks

[MINNIE1]

He has done it years ago when we were both young and no ties, Now DD is here and i though he was over all that.
I should have taken it and see what he would have done but he would have prob though he lost it. I think when i found it i just seen red! He even said to me what were you rumaging in my wallet for!! I was hardly going to ask him could i look in it!

[missymoosal]

You have every right to be royally pissed.
Cocaine is a more dangerous drug than many people realise. You are at a high risk of having a heart attack from even one line depending on strength, have lost count of no of idiots I have looked after in A+E with a pulse of 160 and severe chest pain.
To do this when you are in such a vulnerable state is outrageous.
The fact he lied to you about it shows he knows he is totally in the wrong.
Threaten him with the police if you ever catch him again might concentrate his mind a little.
Of course there are going to be trust issues if he lied about this incident how do you know he hasn't done it before?
Why don't you tell his family he deserve major shit fest on his head.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

But its not a one-off is it?. He has used this drug previously as well. He is certainly not over "all that" and never has been. Also addicts are masters of deception and manipulation.

I would seriously consider reporting him to the police. Cocaine taking does not just affect him; the fallout from taking such a drug affects all the people around him too. He could end up losing absolutely everything. It sounds like he does not think he has a problem with taking this drug and has it under control.

You will need to carefully consider whether you indeed have any future with this man at all because he could certainly cause you and any children much emotional harm.

You need support for your own sake and I would strongly suggest you seek out such support with regards to his drug taking.

[ledodgyfireworksingedmyeyebrow]

Hang on, Hang on Minnie said "He has done it years ago when we were both young and no ties" and he's done it again on Saturday this does not make him an addict!

[ledodgyfireworksingedmyeyebrow]

I think he probably went out with his mates who had some coke and they were having some, he thought ahh for old times sake and had some. Then he regretted it realised it was stupid and lied about it.

[Twohootsunderthemistletoe]

Agree with Attila. If he is secretly going around taking this drug then be may well have a problem he doesn't want to confront. Could he have been taking it longer than you think?

Men do lie (quite often) when confronted when they know they've been silly but what would he have done if you'd gone into labour (not unknown 2 wks early)? Been off his head in the labour ward - sounds like he needs a kick up the backside tbh. After all there isn't just you or him to think about, there is your DD and the one on the way too.

I for one wouldn't be able to trust what he says to me after finding it. Not sure how you can work on this but if you think it is truly a one off then try and put it out of your mind (for your unborn baby's sake). If you don't think deep down it's a one off, then beg him to get help.

[LemonTart]

Not excusing it, obv. a bad thing to do any drugs, however, it is a stressful time for him too and maybe he needed to let his hair down and be reckless before he feels that he has to get all responsible? (presume this is his first child?). Maybe he lied to you because in a cowardly way, by lying to you he didn?t need to face up to it, just go out and be reckless without having to be grown up and think it through. It might not be about trust etc with him, more about facing up to stuff. There are bigger things to lie about and worse crimes in my book. Life is shades of grey sometimes. (Just trying to see it from another perspective - I would have been annoyed too, just not to the never trust again stage I guess) xx

[MINNIE1]

Thank you all for your replys.

He is not addicted but its the fact that he did it when A) i am due in 2 wks B) He has a DD and partner at home to think about C)and to top it off he lies to my face.
You see i dont think he thinks it was a stupid thing to do, its a bit of fun to him. That i'll cool down soon and all will be ok but i really dont think it will. He is a little shit and i am in bits over his night out! o i really dont know i want to kill him.

[MayMay]

Minnie, I had the exact same situation about a month ago. DH and I used to do it very seldomly (twice a month over a 6 month period perhaps) when we were first together and used to go out clubbing. We haven´t done any for years.

I went to our downstairs loo and realised what he had done because he hadn´t cleaned up properly on the sink worktop. I called him on his mobe as by now he was at work and went ballistic at him and he totally denied it, to the point of acusing me of being a bit derranged. I even started to believe he may have a point - even though I had dipped my finger and tasted it so no doubt there!

When he came home (due to my rantings) he finally realised he could not get away from it any longer and admitted he had done it the night before as he found some by the local bin on the floor. I was even more mad at him for lying than taking it.

He said it was too little to offer to share and just thought what the heck and did it. He was well sorry after for not telling me he found it(though moreso for the constant earbashing) but I do believe he won´t do it again. I think we all know our own DHs and DPs. I always know when he´s lying. It is soooo obvious.

Men have a problem with being honest if they know they are going to get into trouble. They are like little kids.

I think you will probably find he has realised what an arse he has been and won´t repeat (hopefully).

[MINNIE1]

Thank you maymay,
Well its not the best situation here at the mo. Of course of all the evenings everyone and anyone had to call.Went to bed last night and when he came down he didnt talk just read a book. So i went to sleep only to be woken twice by him moving and the TV, so i went to spare room didnt mind i just wanted sleep. He went off to work this morning leaving me to bring DD to creche (not that i mind) but need a hand as i am not as well able to go with huge bump.
As far as i am concerned he can go and jump! Take all the coke in the world if he like's, i'm not able for he's silly games i just want a little peace before no 2 comes.

[Tortington]

if it were me ( and it has been me in your situation just 2 months ago !) it wouldn't be the fact he did take it - we all can be royally twattish from time to time - but that he took it whilst he knows he has family at home.

when coke isn;t in your everyday culture - there is a seriousness to it that those who do use it occasionally and recreationally may liken to the same use of pot.


now why wouldnt i mind if my husband had a spliff on anight out - and i get all worked up over coke?

well i think its becuase of the immediate culture thing. we have just never been around it.

what is frightening is thatsuddenly you know your husband is in a social circle where its acceptable - yet your personal moral standing is that it isn't - here is the clash.


i think its fine to treat it as being very serious - its not ust the drug - but the type of friends etc. you dont know if your husband liked it so much he want to do it again - you dont know if you should be hiding the money

its just the unknowns - you dont ned to be in unknown land when your about to drop a baby

inonsiderate and selfish is what it boils down to. 2 traits you dont want a family man to be.

all i said to my DH was " you are 36 years old and you can't say no? your pathetic" - and i carried on with that line - he agreed he was. he isn't in the school yard - he's a grown man and can say no.

[sistabreeze]

Hey
how's it going? you feeling ok now?sounded pretty mad back there! Not sure if you read a thread i started a month or so ago, my dh has a serious prob with coke, doing it 3days after dd2 born etc not a good place to be, i know how your feeling, its the loss of trust just before the babys due which is so awful. you must be feelink so let down! ((((((((( hugs)))))))
i hope it works out for you, keep us posted!