Alcohol problems

[itsallgonepearshaped]

It's all gone a bit wrong.

My DH told me on Saturday night that he is an alcoholic. I really had no idea. It turns out he has been drinking in secret and I am amazed that I hadn't even smelt it on him.

The situation is worse than I thought. He tried to go cold turkey on Sunday and got the shakes, sweats and looked like an old man. His mother took him off to the emergency doctor and he was told not to stop drinking, but to cut down gradually.

He has rung the AA and Drinkline and is going to a meeting on Friday. I am really proud of him for facing up to this and we are getting good support from his parents, who have offered to pay for counselling.

I feel awful though. I feel guilty for not noticing, and in hindsight it was so obvious. He has been acting strangely and he has stopped taking care of his appearance. I have recently given birth following a period of fertility treatment and a fairly stressful pregnancy and I feel guilty that I just did not notice his problems.

I am sure he can do this - I'm just not so sure about me.

[meowmix]

It must be a huge shock but try to stay positive - HE spotted the problem, HE faced up to it, HE is doing something about it. The fact that he is taking control of it is an immense thing and you should be reassured by that.

However, being the support for an alcoholic is a tough job. You have to run a fine line between support and ensuring they take responsibility for themselves and their actions. You might find it helps to talk to Al-Anon or your GP.

He will get through this if he wants to. The bottom line is that HE has to do it not you. You can support but not control. Its important that you understand that, because the addiction wants you to be responsible for it.

You also need to think about how this will affect you - how will you feel next time you have a drink for example? guilty? angry? disloyal? are you going to be able to trust him on nights out? with alcohol in the house? what about Christmas? will you always be on the lookout for problems now? etc. There's a lot to work through for you as well as him.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Don't feel guilty - it's not your job to notice, it's not your job to fix these things. You've been busy. And it's good, really, that he's realised it's a problem and decided to fix it, without it being a response to hassling from you, iyswim.

Al-Anon is a good place to go, if you need support from people who've been there ...

[FrannyandZooey]

Totally agree that it's great he has made the decision to get treatment. I would think he has a very good chance of sorting this out.

When pregnant, or looking after a new baby, we are naturally introspective, and for good reason. At the moment your main job is to look after yourself and your baby and that is what you have been doing.

I would also suggest he tries your local NHS drug and alcohol service if there is one - counselling through them would be free and of a very good standard, IME. There may also be support available for you.

[itsallgonepearshaped]

Well, it has been a tough week but I am so proud of DH.

He has been to see the GP, has got tablets and has been to see an alcohol abuse counsellor. He has just left for his first AA meeting and has spoken to his AA mentor several times this week. He has also stopped drinking.

I am really, really proud of him.

[StrangeTown]

Sounds like he is doing everything he can to beat this. I really hope it continues. You are obviously giving him all the emotional support that he needs right now, but please make sure you don't neglect yourself as a result! Good luck with everything.