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Paranoid that he's cheating

25 replies

Bubblegum89 · 27/05/2015 14:49

Basically, as the title says, I'm paranoid my partner is cheating on me. He used to be so nice up until a few weeks ago when he had a sudden dramatic change in attitude.

Up until recently, we had a great relationship. We'd come out of the honeymoon period but were still very affectionate and loving towards each other. My partner would do little things like send me a good morning text before work or occasionally send me a little message just to remind me how much he loved me. He would hold my hand while we were out, snuggle up on the couch with me, just silly, seemingly pointless little things but things that showed he cared and he loved me. But suddenly it's all stopped.

He doesn't live here, only stays a few nights a week so I don't get to see him much. The last month or so, he's been doing a lot of overtime at work. He's been playing football after work. He's currently doing a show every night for the next week meaning I won't see him at all (I've been to see the show though and I know he's doing it and not lying about being there) If I hear from him, it's one, maybe two texts at around 11pm to tell me he's going to bed. I hear nothing from him all day, every day except for that. He never calls me at all.

In terms of affection, I get none unless I nag for it. Holding hands, nice little texts, cuddling... I get none of it. He sits on the opposite side of the couch with his arms crossed. He is always on his phone to his mates so even when he is here, he's not really "here" if that makes sense. I can count the amount of times we've had sex in the last couple of months on one hand.

I've spoken to him about it. He keeps saying he will change and he's sorry. I said to him outright that if he doesn't want to be with me he should just say so because he's not doing me any favours sticking round for my sake. He says he wants to be with me.

I've been cheated on before, my partner has as well. I can't help but notice similarities in that past relationship where I was cheated on to this one. In that relationship, my ex was always working away or doing overtime, always on his phone, always going out with friends but not inviting me even though some of our friends were mutual, not being affectionate or intimate in any way.

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or not. I know he could just genuinely be busy but he has been busy in the past, for example he went to America for two weeks and even with a 5 hour time difference, we still managed to talk more in one day than we do now in one week. There are a lot of pretty girls in this show he's doing, there are lots of successful girls at his work, his mates from work are the type that go out and pull loads of girls in bars and then brag about it in group texts that my partner is part of.

I KNOW that most of you will think I'm an idiot for even staying with this guy but I'm a great believer in not just packing it all in when things get a bit bumpy. At the minute, I'm not happy with the way he treats me and I'm racking my brains trying to think why he has suddenly changed so much. Cheating, whether he already is or he's just got his eye on someone else, is one of the only logical explanations I can think of but I don't know if I can just come out and ask him because if he's not, will that just make things worse? It's so frustrating because we are really good together usually.

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goddessofsmallthings · 27/05/2015 14:54

"It's so frustrating because we are really good together usually"

Change the 'are' in your sentence (above) to 'were' and bin him before he dumps you, honey.