Need some advice!

[lucsnowe]

Some of you may remember that I've been on and off mumsnet asking for advice with my internet dating. I am also a constant lurker! I've recently met a guy I really like on eharmony. We have got on really well and I felt there was a strong mutual attraction. Anyway,last night at his house, our first attempt to dtd flopped. He claimed this has not happened before and also insists that he is attracted to me. I was understanding, particularly as he did his best (and succeeded) in pleasuring me. However, now in the cold light of day, I'm really troubled by it. I did everything in my power to get him going, but although he occasionally came to life, he just couldn't sustain it. I've not actually experienced this before, although I have been with partners whose erections have wavered, but they have always come back. I am prepared to be patient, but part of me is worried that he is not really attracted to me. In which case, should I quit while I'm ahead? He is 38and not particularly over weight, although maybe slightly so.

[wonderingsoul]

peraonall I would give him another go.

It could be he has a problem but it could also be that he was extremely nervous it being your first time together and had put to much pressure on himself.

he still pleased you though, which is a good sign, hes not selfish in bed and has other skills.
I say give it another wurl.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It really could just be nerves.
And who can blame him? For all of us the 1st time with a new partner is a bit terrifying.
If you get on well then give him a chance.

[lucsnowe]

Thank you, wondering soul and hellsbells. I will do then. I do really like him and find him attractive. I understand the nerves thing. I suppose I was troubled because he seems very self-confident, but that could all be bravado.

[vodkanchocolate]

I would imagine he would feel bad enough, I wouldnt make an issue about it and give it another go. If you really like him then try and be understanding. Sorry never been in that situation personally

[Boopear]

Oh, give him another go. A friend of mine who is rather more experienced in this sort of thing than I estimates that this has happened to her approx 50% of first attempts to dtd. She is incredibly stunning, so I can only assume this is actually linked to attractiveness - in a good way!

Sure next time will be fine. Best of luck!

[lucsnowe]

Thank you for the encouragement boo pear. I'm certainly not stunning, by any stretch of the imagination! But I will give it another go. That is an interesting stat!

[WingedWoman]

It's dead common, it's not you, it's nerves. Try not to worry.

[lucsnowe]

Thank you, winged woman, and all of you for your support and reassurance. I'm wondering whether part of the problem is that I really fancy him so there's (unintentionally) a weight of expectation. He claims he fancies me too, otherwise I would not pursue the relationship. But I think on our next meeting I'm going to try to play things down and limit all the touching etc and see if that helps.

[sparkdoor]

OP, this happened to my husband the first time we tried to have sex. He was only mid 20s and slim - nothing physically wrong. He was just extremely nervous. He was actually kind of shaking with nerves, but I didn't draw attention to it. I tried a few things to get things going and they didn't work. I think he just couldn't believe I actually wanted to sleep with him! I've never known anybody react with such shock, it was quite sweet. So I say give it another go if you like him and try to keep things relaxed.

[lucsnowe]

Thank you, spark door, I will try to keep things relaxed! Sweet story about your husband. So did all just work fine the second time?