vulnerable, seriously struggling marriage, friendly banter, mess.

[springismyfavourite]

Will try and keep this brief. Please be gentle with me.

Background: several years of relationship going downhill - communication breakdown, work stress and DH poor mental health. Started couples counselling last summer. Two DC under 10.

Six months ago DH almost succeeded in ending his life. It's been a nightmare. I was really struggling in our marriage before, now I feel like I've lost all feeling for him. DCs love him to bits and I cannot see how I can split up this vulnerable family. I've had good support from friends and family, including a male friend whose online banter has made me smile. I am trying to support DH though its a bit minimal as I find it so hard to engage with him. I am increasingly looking forward to messages from my friend. I suspect that's not good.

A few months ago I told myself I wouldn't made any immediate decisions about DH and I, and that I'd give him a year of therapy (as he has done for me in the past) and see where we are then. However that therapy only really started this month. I am really unhappy.

So I realise there's no answer, I guess I'm just looking for support and any advice/tips for the short term. Thank you.

[ALaughAMinute]

It doesn't sound as if now would be a good time to think about separating so I think you should step back and take things slowly. Plan for the future and get legal advice but don't make any rash decisions yet. Support your husband through his therapy for the next year and take it from there.

Do you think there's a chance your DH could get better and that you might start communicating again or do you think the marriage is beyond repair?

By all means enjoy the banter with your make friend if it makes you feel better but don't whatever you do have an affair. Put your children first and do all you can to get their daddy well again. Of course there are no guarantees that he will get better but all you can do is offer your support and try to help him. The next year won't be easy for you but you've given yourself a time limit and that can only be a good thing. If you feel you're not coping then you may need to think again. Self preservation first. Wishing you all the very best. X

[springismyfavourite]

Thanks so much.

I can't see a positive outcome for the marriage at the moment (but am struggling to be optimistic about a number of things over the last week). The relate sessions did at least enable us to be open with each other but I feel I am the worst version of myself when I'm with DH

I enjoy the banter with my friend, I'm not remotely attracted to him, but am annoyed with myself that I look forward to his messages so much. He is married (not so happily either) with DC. The attention is compelling.

I guess I need to find a way of facing the next year. Thanks again for your kind words.