AIBU to think that making comments about a pregnant woman's weight is never ok?

[Gollumsprecious]

Have nc for this in case I out my usual profile...

Normal pre-pregnancy weight and normal weight gain within pregnancy.

Was told that I 'look like a beached whale' by a close family member.

When I said that the person was being very rude I was told I was 'taking the comment out of context'.

What context could it possibly be? Is this OK? What happened to if you can't say anything nice, don't day anything at all?!

AIBU to be still stewing about this days later?

[Happyringo]

Not unreasonable at all, how rude. I was 9 months pregnant on my wedding day, I had a beautiful simple dress and although I was obviously big thought I looked ok - first thing SIL said to me was "God look at the size of you"...

[ravenmum]

Context - were you lying on the beach or something?!

Maybe they were just trying to say that you look really big now, "ready to pop", rather than that you are fat? Could that be what they meant by context? Not exactly a compliment anyway, but might be an explanation of what they meant by the comment. If they did mean that you were fat, though, then it's a stupid thing to say - so stupid it's probably not even worth stewing over! Just write them off as an idiot and be done with it!

[Gollumsprecious]

ravenmum Nope - no beach! Sitting in on their couch having a cup of tea and a 'chat'. I've still got 3 months to go too.

You're right - I should write them off as an idiot but I can't stop stewing. Maybe it's hormones!

happyringo That's awful! I hope she has been much nicer to you since then!

[Roseybee10]

I was told I'd gotten 'stout' and 'hippy' by a family member at 15 weeks with my first! I burst into tears.

With my second j didn't gain a lot and then had people tell me I wasn't eating enough or looking after baby properly as my bump was small which was equally upsetting. People are just stupid!
What an insensitive comment x

[ladyrosy]

YANBU. That is never anything but an insulting comment.

I got told on the same day that I was "enormous" and "gosh aren't you tiny" by two different work colleagues. I realised that day that people have no idea about bump sizes and just spout rubbish. My bump is 50th percentile, so couldn't be more average!

[seaoflove]

It's a horrible thing to say, pregnant or not, and she'd have to be stupid not to realise that.

Course, it could be that this person is a bitch and is using your pregnancy as an excuse to "innocently" insult you.

[Marshy]

It's hard to interpret 'beached whale' as anything other than rude but unfortunately many seem to think that it's fine to make this kind of comment. I never comment on size because I remember that it was never helpful when people did when I was pregnant.

What's wrong with saying 'you look fab' if you have to say something, or alternatively stfu!

Ladyrosy has it spot on. Try not to dwell on it op.

[Skiptonlass]

Beached whale??

I usually reply to that kind of thing with a smiley comment about how lank their hair looks.

Or "what kind of whale? A small beluga or one of the really massive ones? Or would you perhaps like to think about it and take that back?"

Smiling with an insane glint in your eye is the way to go....

[Sleepybunny]

YANBU! How rude!

I like skiptons suggestion or comment about their weight....

I'm glad you're comfortable to talk about weight, because I wanted to say your really starting to let yourself go. Do you have a medical condition? (Say with a sympathetic/patronizing head tilt)

[cookiefiend]

It is frustrating. When you are pregnant you immediately become common property and people ask all kinds of things they never otherwise would. We have told people this week we are expecting our second. Without missing a breath after we told FIL the quick fire questions began- are you feeling sick, is it affecting your bladder yet, how do you know how far along you are, I thought you couldn't get pregnant whilst breastfeeding. Etc etc. It drives me mad. For me I find men with children the worst- they know all about it from their wives and will happily tell you all the things they think they know more about than you or ask if you are affected by the same ailments their wives were. Grr!

[ApocalypseThen]

I'm growing thoroughly sick of remarks about my size. I'm of short stature and narrow build, so the only way is out. In week 34, I do look large but I'm measuring for dates and there's nothing I can do.

Except grimace through the remarks. I must hear from different colleagues at least twice a day about how large I am. I cannot fathom why anyone imagines I appreciate or welcome their comments.

[Kittykat7]

My MIL saw me at 34 weeks & said I looked like the side of a house. We don't live in the same country so she'd come out to visit. Luckily she missed the birth by 2 weeks as they had booked their flight before I told them I was pg. I was really upset at her comment but I wasn't surprised. When I told her I was pg with my son she said I'd probably lose it. When DS was born in laws came to the hospital & just looked at him for 5 mins & left. They never bought him anything or wanted anything to do with him. I have no idea why. We emigrated & when I told her I was PG with DD she said she would not have anything to do with it. We didn't tell her I was PG with next DD until I was 14 weeks & she just said Oh. I just can't understand her.

[geekymommy]

I would say yes it is, unless you are a health care professional caring for that particular woman. Otherwise, it's not just rude, it's dangerous. Pregnant women can be hormonal, and it's supposedly hard to get a conviction against one in court. Just sayin'...

I'm at 26+4, and feel like a beached whale at times (like if I sit on the floor and have trouble getting up), but I would never say that about anyone else.

[Purpleboa]

Ooft some people eh! You have every right to be pissed off OP. I'm finding that when it comes to pregnancy, it seems to be open season with the weight comments! I also have had 'your bump is very neat' (in a tone that makes it clear I am not being paid a compliment) and 'my god! You're bloody massive!' I've learnt that people don't really have a clue, and so unless it's coming from my midwife, I shall ignore

[Skiptonlass]

Seriously...I cannot understand why people are such shits...

you say, "congratulations/you look great/love that frock, where's that from?/ when are you due?" Etc.

The first beached whale comment I get will be picking their teeth off the floor...

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Ynbu. You're hormonal. You feel what you feel. No one can validate it.
It never bothered me though. People would say things in a light hearted jokey way. No harm meant.
I was out shopping one day when I was having dd supporting a bump. And this little boy with his mum pipes up. Mummy why has that lady got a big fat tummy, and his mortified mum said, because she's got a baby in there, and I said would you like to see a picture of the baby that's in my tummy. I showed him the picture. I wasn't at all offended. Children are children and they say what they see. I did hAvd a fat belly, still flipping do.
I was absolutely mahoooooosive having dd. proper full term bump at 3 months, and she was only a tiny 6lb 10oz

[Egog]

It's so inutterably rude. When announcing my PG at 13 weeks, FIL announced to everyone that he already knew, because I'd put weight on, then asked exactly how much I'd gained.

I wanted to stab him with a fork, but instead steeley-eyed him with a "did you mean to be so rude?" He had the gall to answer with "no, that's not a rude question is it?"

YANBU. Poke them in their flab and ask them what their excuse is.

[DaemonPantalaemon]

Are you all happy being pregnant though? Aren't you happy to be carrying your babies? And isn't it sort of normal that pregnancy changes body shape, and changes in body shape, are, well, fairly noticeable?

And as this is a temporary stage, why not just focus on the baby that you are happy to be carrying under all that weight :) Forgive me if i get it wrong, I am not from your country or culture, so I really so I don't really see the offence in pointing out the obvious, that women who are pregnant look, well, fat, large or whatever. I would also have thought carrying the baby that you want to be carrying would make up for all sorts of thoughtless comments but what do I know, I looked like a beached whale and grinned when people pointed it out!

[Jemimapuddlemuck]

YANBU, I found some of those comments quite upsetting. There's a big difference between "ooh look at your bump" excitement and "beached whale" rudeness. I would only comment on any other woman's appearance, pregnant or not, if I had something nice to say.

[Gollumsprecious]

Thank you all ladies - feeling better about it today and steeling myself for further 'context' based insults from this person in the future! It drives me MAD as I would never be so rude to them! Maybe I need a new strategy.

deamon I wish I could take a leaf out of your book and be more relaxed about it! I think it's more the intention of the comment than the actual comment though. This person would have deliberately chosen the words beached whale rather than anything else as it is a way to stick the knife in without being blatantly rude - they can airways pretend it was a joke. I will try to find a little bit of calm ready for the next time!

[ravenmum]

Women who are pregnant don't look fat, they look pregnant! Fat women who are pregnant look fat and pregnant; skinny women who are pregnant look skinny and pregnant.

I didn't mind people talking about me being massive, when I did have a massive bump - stuck out really far in front so I couldn't close a single coat - but a beached whale is not just big, but awkward, ungainly, unhappy and out of place. From a friend I'd take it to mean I looked big, not fat, and was just a poorly chosen phrase - but if it was someone who was habitually catty I'd assume it was deliberate.

[MatildaTheCat]

Very mean remark indeed. My response to stuff like this is to say, 'I beg your parden?' When they repeat the remark (usually very quietly), I reply,'yes, I heard you the first time. I was just amazed that you would say that to me.'

Works every time. Variations work, too.

When The Royal Kate did her bit after giving birth to George 24 hours earlier I remarked to MIL how amazing she looked and how brave to do that. MIL replied, 'Yes, but she still had a bit of a tummy'.

[DaemonPantalaemon]

Gotcha ;) Glad you are feeling better !!!