Is this he end?

[Keepyourfork]

Dp asked me to book car in for repair - I booked it in at the wrong place. This mistake has escalated into a massive arguement, where he tells me I never do anything right for him, because I don't care about him, and he's just there to pay the bills. Says he feels completely unappreciated by me and is only here because of the dc, and is seriously thinking of finding someone who will appreciate him!
I am quite a slap dash person, and my carelessness is not personal, he is very critical of me though, calling me to do various jobs for him - God forbid I should miss his call ( this usually results in a verbal kicking and him threatening to smash my iPad) he is self employed so income is never guaranteed, this adds to the stress, I do work pt but this is dismissed as my silly job, look after dc on my days off.
He feels I don't support him - but it pisses me off the way he wants everything revolving around his work - and everyone I do work/ childcare is insignificant, I don't contribute anywhere near what he does . Sounds like he wants to end it and if I was financially independent I would probably agree .

[Vivacia]

What do you want? What do you believe is the true situation?

[ImperialBlether]

Oh god, I couldn't be doing with that! Seriously, I'd be on anti-depressants and sleeping pills just to cope with him.

Do me a favour, will you? Go onto this site and use the calculator to see what you'd be entitled to. Do a couple of scenarios, one where you rent a place for you and the DC and one where you stay where you are.

You don't have to live like this. The world is a lovely place if certain people aren't in it!

[TheoriginalLEM]

i only had to read one sentence of your post.He threatened to smash your ipad. If you stay with this man he will erode your self esteem. does he have any redeeming features? saying that the ipad is a deal breaker.

[scallopsrgreat]

What Vivacia asks. Because that OP is all about him, what he thinks, what he wants. You have needs and wants too.

Mind you I agree with TheOriginalLEM. The threatening to smash your iPad would be a dealbreaker. Violence for me is a no-no. And anyone threatening violence thinks that it is acceptable.

[trackrBird]

If you value your health and sanity, make this the end.
You don't deserve to be treated in such an aggressive, sneering way. No-one does.

[Keepyourfork]

I don't know what to do - no one really knows he has this nasty side, he's v popular and well thought off, and would be shocked if they heard some of the things he said to me. I'm rather embarrassed to tell my family as well, but I don't want my dd hearing the way he speaks to me, and thinking that is acceptable for a man to talk to a women like that. I know it's not, but I put up with it, as I have a financially ok life, need to get myself a ft job.

[Vivacia]

So would you say that on one level you'd like to put your family in the picture? On a definite level you want to protect your daughter from this influence? On some level you want to leave the situation as it is because of the financial security?

On the first, I wouldn't be surprised if at least some of your family are not shocked and actually already have the measure of the man.

[mrsdavidbowie]

OP..sounds like my ex. Belittled my job. Saw himself as "the provider".
I dreaded having to deal with workmen etc in case I made the wrong decision.
I divorced him last month

[newnamesamegame]

For what it's worth OP I am in the process of kicking my H out for uncannily similar behaviour (mine actually did smash my iPad, among other v unpleasant bits of behaviour.)
I have been trying to rationalise and justify stuff like this for a decade -- there was always an excuse, his mental health, work stress etc.

For a while he actually managed to convince me that trivial misdemeanours like forgetting to buy instant coffee actually did make me a bad wife.

I am still in the thick of it and it's not easy but its a thousand times easier when you allow yourself to go with your instincts and say: "f* this, I have done nothing that comes anywhere near justifying this behaviour.

And then you allow yourself to see a world beyond this...

[Justusemyname]

Him threatening violence cancels out any perceived right he thinks he has to get annoyed at you over a genuine mistake.

[20fifteen]

I heard something g on tv this week - good morning I thibk it was - they were interviewing a woman whose ex had stalked her snd 8n the most violent way - she said the best advise she received to protect herself was TELL EVERYONE

Good advice

[pocketsaviour]

It sounds like you are completely unsuited to each other.

With the "smash the ipad" thing - you don't say if this sounded like a genuine threat, or whether he said in a sort-of jokey way, as in "I obviously need to smash your ipad to bits to get you to pay attention to me!"

(I'm just thinking of the time I threatened to throw my ex-partner's out of the window when he was playing Bejewelled and I was trying to have a serious conversation...)

But if it was serious, and he has a habit of throwing or smashing things, that's not right and you need to get out.

Honestly I think you need to get out anyway, because you just sound like you wind each other up.