What do I do with her?

[mrcurioisandbroken21]

I'm not sure where to start. I'll keep it super brief.

So, let's rewind, about 5 years ago me and this girl had a thing, we were crazy about each other. Admittedly we were quite young then but it was mine and hers first serious relationship and it lasted about a year or so.
After that we finished on good terms and then we didn't speak for a good year.
When the time came we started to speak as friends, she had a new guy in her life and I've had several women (bare in mind I'm 18). But this guy is quite obviously the love of her life. She's been with him since we split up to this day. They're very sexually active. But recently we've started speaking again and we've become a lot closer. I see her every single day for 3-6 hours, normally just driving and talking. I've actually taken her up north about 2-3 hours away to meet my mum and her side of the family (first time I've ever done it) and she stays round mine, in the same bed. We cuddle, talk, watch movies. Nothing sexual. Now, her current guy treats her like s**t and she loves him so much.
I think I might be in love with her again but I don't want to lose what we have. I'm
Not sure what to make of all of this but she's staying round tomorrow. Her boyfriend knows nothing about me and her or whenever she stays at mine etc.

What do you think of this? What should I do?

Thanks.

[pocketsaviour]

So...

You "went out" with her when you were both 13.
At 14 you split up and she's been with her current boyfriend since then?
And now you're both 18?

I suggest you step the fuck back before mr current boyfriend finds out you've been sharing a bed with his girlfriend and goes ballistic on you.

If her relationship isn't meant to be, then it'll end in its own time. I would suggest you step back and tell her that you can't do this level of closeness, that you love being friends with her but that you're starting to feel too much and it's too painful to be this close with her.

[mrcurioisandbroken21]

Your post actually gave me a giggle 'Mr current boyfriend' in a good way of course.

I see exactly where you're coming from but she's giving me all of the signals. I see her about 15x more than she sees 'Mr current boyfriend', she stays at mine, gets jealous as hell if I talk to other girls. But like I said, I can't tell her.

[Koalafications]

You are 18 there are plenty of people in the world for you.

Don't get involved with a girl who is already in a relationship regardless of the 'signals' you think she is sending you.

Oh, and there a very high probability that this guy isn't the 'love of her life'.

[CultureSucksDownWords]

"What do I do with her"... she's not an object to "do" anything with.

I would suggest telling her that you want a relationship and that you can't see her again until she had split up with her current boyfriend. Then don't see her until that is the case.

[Annarose2014]

You cuddle in bed together but nothing sexual happens? She's open about how much she loves her boyfriend? Let me guess - you both think your friendship is really special??

You've been FriendZoned. Sorry.

The only signals she's giving you are "You're so lovely, I can talk to you about anything - its almost like you're one of my girl friends "

She's using you as an emotional dumping ground. No wonder she gets jealous when she sees you talking to other girls - she doesn't want to lose someone who's willing to listen endlessly to her mundane shit as if its the most fascinating topic in the world for up to 6 hours a day.

But its not all her fault - you've obviously been ready, willing and eager to be a "Friend WITHOUT Benefits" for quite some time now. You've really only yourself to blame that your brain is now getting melted.

[Koalafications]

Agree with Annarose you have been put in the friend zone.

I had a similar friendship with a guy when I was about 18. I knew he liked me and I liked the attention. I kept him close for a while, but I knew it wasn't going to go any further.

[pleasingshape]

She must really love her boyfriend if she stays over at another man's place all night 'cuddling' in the same bed.

I would be delighted to discover my husband had been doing that with another woman!

Might be good to proceed with caution - doesn't seem terribly trustworthy, does she?

[Unescorted]

Firstly you are both still very young. The number of people I know who had met their future partner at the age of 13 can be counted on the fingers of a double hand amputee. At 13 I thought boys had germs, at 18 I was just out to have fun - bit of a kid in a sweetie shop when it came to the opposite sex.

As other have said up thread it appears as if she is playing you and taking advantage of the fact you are there. She is using you to bounce ideas off and gain validation for the relationship she is in with Mr Shit. I suspect it may have roots in her kind of realising that he is a bit of a bellend, but likes the idea of going out with him even though the reality is a gap away from her idealised vision of him & her as a couple.

If she is getting jealous of you talking to other girls tell her to grow up and/ or sod off - she really doesn't sound like a very nice person. A bit of a cake and eat it type. You have to live your life and not scuttle around keeping her happy, despite her treating you like gum on her shoe. Unfortunately you can't make other people do anything they don't want to do (you can influence, but when it comes down to it they have to make the choice to change) so all you can do is withdraw from the relationship and find people who treat you with respect.

[Ouchbloodyouch]

You are her emotional safety net and nothing more. She is probably infatuated with the other guy.
Don't hang in there waiting for her to wake up and realise that its you she has been in love with all along. Been there done that and he didn't fall back in love with me
I wasted my time as I could have been moving on.
If.. and its a bloody huge if. You step right back and stop being her personal equerry.
There may be a teensy chance she might realise that you are the one for her. I doubt it though.
But for your own peace of mind I think you should stop contact. Its been said she is hardly trustworthy.
you may also wish to ask for the title of your thread to be changed. It will be jumped on rather than your problem. Though I can see your post was respectful and it doesn't bother me

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

She's being a twat. She's using you for all the nuce bits of having a boyfriend that her actual boyfriend doesn't provide, whilst knowing how you feel about her. She's being selfish and immature.
However, you are also being feeble, accepting crumbs from her table instead of a real relationship in the hopes that one day she will realise what a good guy you are and reward you with a relationship.
She doesn't want a relationship with you and hanging about like a puppy won't change her mind.

[Nomama]

You have indeed been 'FriendZoned', she may even assume you are gay and so a very safe BFF - you know, a pet!

Pick yourself up and move on! We don't need to know you to know you deserve better!

[DarkNavyBlue]

She's getting from you something that's missing from her current relationship. But what you have with her is no more ideal than Mr current boyfriend since she doesn't fancy you. If she did something would have happened by now.

[Nervo]

Agree with others - she sees you as a friend. If you don't want to be her friend then tell her but don't get angry with her for not feeling about you the way you feel about her. Not suggesting you will by the way.

[ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME]

I think you should step back because its better you get with her if she ends her relationship rather than end up with a black eye from current boyfriend because you choose to listen to your feelings.