Is she taking it slow due to being hurt in the past, or just not interested?

[Soconfusedbyitall]

Hi, I could really do with some outside perspective on a situation that I'm allowing to take up far too much time in my head!

I'm a single dad of a boy with special needs, and I have recently become close with a mum of one of my son's friends. We'd been texting, chatting on the phone daily for a couple of months, which culminated in a kiss on a night out at Christmas. She's very attractive in lots of ways, makes me laugh a lot and I've kind of fallen for her.

Although originally she seemed very keen, around a fortnight later she suddenly apologised, said she'd given mixed messages and didn't want a relationship at the moment but loved talking to me. I tried to be understanding and backed off.

This is what I find hard - we've been texting and talking again daily, as regularly as ever, and I just can't read the signs. When we seem to be getting closer its almost like she shuts down. I know from snippets she's told me that she has been hurt badly in the past from abusive relationships. I just don't know if that is the reason for her reticence or if she just doesn't find me attractive in that way. Either way I have backed off and am trying to take things at her pace, but I would hate to think I was in some way 'pressurising' someone into a relationship they just weren't interested in.

This reads like the ramblings of a lovesick teenager! I would just move on, but my son's condition can be quite challenging - her son is the same. Her friendship and understanding have come to mean a great deal over the past few months because of that and I'd hate to lose it. I'm trying to just keep things light but it seems to be filling far too much headspace - I'm constantly checking to see if she's phoned/texted, looking for signs that probably aren't there and am never sure how to respond. Yes, I'm even guilty of counting kisses on text messages.

Thanks for reading my twattery, I'm so rubbish at this, any advice would be very much appreciated. I don't know whether I just suck it up and carry on, declare the strength of my feelings for her or cut all ties for a bit with a hope to maintaining a friendship in the future. We're both in our forties so I probably should bloody know better!

[Chillyegg]

Hmmm it's tricky! Theres nothing worse than unrequited love! Well I'd take it as she just wants to be pals. Shes said sorry she's given mixed messages. Sounds to me like she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, still wants to be mates and that's why she goes a bit cold on you, so she feels that she isn't leading you on.
Maybe not the best way to handle it but I can't say she's doing anything too terrible.
It's easier said than done but I'd concentrate on building friendships elsewhere, so you don't feel so let down for a better use of a word when she doesn't text back!

[badbaldingballerina123]

It sounds like she just wants to be friends.

[Hissy]

Just go with the flow!

There's no rush. If she didn't want to talk to you, she wouldn't.

Maybe she is scared, maybe the kids issues are slowing her down, in any case it's a good idea to take things slowly and see how things go.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think 'faint heart never won fair lady'. It would not be pressurising her to say that you really like her, still remember the Christmas kiss fondly, you'd love to take her out and if she doesn't feel the same way about you, that's OK & you'll settle for being friends, but you'd rather know what the score is than torture yourself guessing.

[Hissy]

Can you tell I'm experiencing similar, but roles are reversed? :)

Ok we're a lot further on, but don't underestimate the power of the fear that an abusive relationship leaves as a legacy.

I'm hopeful we'll get through it all, it's going to take time, but if it works, the pay off will be worth it.

Let her lead the way a bit, follow her lead and take it all at face value.

[MadeMan]

If it were me I would stop all contact, otherwise you're just living in hope that one day she changes her mind.

[Hissy]

Well apparently we're not going to make it after all... Hey ho.

See how you feel l, talk to her and if it's 'just friends' then leave it at that.

[KristinaM]

I think she just wants to be friends

She's worried that the kiss at Christmas might make you think she wants to have a relationship. But she doesn't

Sorry

[TRexingInAsda]

I think she's already told you she just wants to be friends, so don't have that conversation again. Assume it's just friends unless and until something indicates otherwise (eg, she tells you she's changed her mind).

[ineedabodytransplant]

Sorry to see that, Hissy. You ok?