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HELP!!... my DH and i don't talk anymore.

8 replies

Salmaa · 17/10/2006 21:05

Hi am 24 yrs old and just had a baby 1 month and 2 weeks ago, i dunno what's happening in my relationship with my dh we just don't talk anymore, he coes back from work watches tv and falls asleep and i just have nothing to tell him,.... so we have now the "uncomfortable silence" going on....
i hate that
HELP!!!!!!
what shall i do?

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youngmum21 · 17/10/2006 21:30

hi there,

try not to worry maybe he is feelin a bit pushed out and overwelmed by the baby!!!
Ask him bout his day, see if he wants to put baby to bed or give the baby a bath maybe he feels left out????

Cud any of wot ive sed be the reason you think?

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acnebrideofFrankenstein · 17/10/2006 21:37

it's a very 'abnormal' time, things may well change again very soon. it's true there isn't a lot of fascinating detail to relate about a six-week-old baby's day - 'i fed him - i changed his nappy - then i fed him again - he slept for a bit' etc. is it really talk you want from him, do you want him to take the baby off you for a bit, tell you about his day or what?

I'd attack this on all fronts. are you getting much adult conversation while your partner is at work? any mates /baby groups at all? then you're with people who may genuinely find the details of your day interesting.

then next time you're in 'uncomfortable silence' try breaking it by saying 'it won't always be like this' and see how he responds - he may just be tired and not even realising the silence is there - he doesn't 'have' to talk to you, could it be that he sees the silence as comfortable intimacy?

then i'd start planning for a first lunch/evening out, just the two of you, plus a trip out for you to the movies or something. we managed the first on the day ds was 3 months old, with the help of my mum. 90 mins on our own at lunchtime felt incredible.

could also try removing the fuse from the telly plug! works a treat...

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bluejelly · 17/10/2006 21:45

Good advice acnebride

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DastardlyDevilishDior · 17/10/2006 21:48

Yes, it's a weird time. My dh worked from home too, so neither of us had anything interesting to say that we hadn't already said over lunch! Much sympathy, but I can confirm that it does get better. Maybe, if you can get a sitter and feel up to leaving the baby any time soon, you could go out together, even if it is only for a drink at the pub. At least you will then remember why you are together. x

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Salmaa · 17/10/2006 23:56

yeah you know? i feel like i've been married for a century.....
I think acnebride is right.... i just don't much adult conversation..... i just came to London 1 yr ago.... and i don't have many frendz, just an Italian neighbour and another friend who works all the time..... that's pretty much it...
and it's not that interesting my day, it sure flies by..... but just not interesting to talk about.
He usually comes home exteremely tired and... i don't ,.... i really became such a boring housewife, i was never like that,.......
oufffffff i was full of life and had so many frendz

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oxocube · 18/10/2006 06:35

with a baby of this age, I don't think you even need to find a babysitter if you are nervous about leaving it (sort, don't know sex!). I used to take ds1 out a lot, esp for lunch, and I got to chat with girlfriends/dh in a more stimulating environment and baby just slept.