Is it time to call it a day?

[WhatamIbringingtothismoment]

I have been unhappy for years but I have stayed for the sake of my children and lack of other options. My husband always tell me that he loves me [words not actions] and I suppose I have just felt that I needed to put up with things.
How do other people move on if they have no money? We can barely afford one home we could never afford two - don't know what to. We have no relationship physical or otherwise.
I am approaching 50 is this my life? Is it better than being alone? It is so lonely so I am not sure if it can be.

[LottaMarten]

You sound sad. Sorry that you are feeling like this. Christmas is an emotional time even when everything is going well.

How old are the DCs?

[LottaMarten]

And no 50 is not too late to move on

[lemisscared]

What do you want to be different?

[Justwanttomoveon]

It took me a long time to realise saying I love you is not the same as showing someone you love them, a very good friend once said to me "you can tell how much someone loves you by the way they treat you, not from what they say".
50 is not too late to start again, I'm sorry I can't offer any practical advice on living arrangements if you split, I went to my mums and slept on the couch with my ds in a camp bed for a few months and got housed through a housing association, it was a difficult few months but was so worth it, I am much happier just me and ds than I ever was in a relationship with ex who told me he loved me regularly but failed to show it ever.
Wishing you all the best, my favourite quote helped me - it will all be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end.

[WhatamIbringingtothismoment]

Thank you for your replies.
My children are 12 and 15.
What do I want to be different? I want happiness, a husband that I find attractive and who I can have a conversation with. To share my life with someone who makes the bad times bearable just by being there not someone who makes me feel like throwing myself under a train.
Another awful year is coming to an end and I feel so sad that I might end my life never having loved and been loved [by a partner - I love my children and they are my reason for getting up each day] I dream of winning the lottery so that we could afford to go our separate ways. I am NC with my abusive family so I can't expect any support from them or anyone really.

[comebacksun]

I really feel for you and understand where you're coming from. The thought of leaving with no where to go is so daunting. I'm in your position, but have no idea where to begin either.

Being married to someone who is not right for you, for the rest of your life is so sad. But I have one dc who would be happy and one who would be devastated. How would yours feel if you split?

I wish my H would just leave - he knows our relationship is broken beyond repair, but he would never leave.

Nothing constructive to say, but I hope you can find a solution.

[lemisscared]

ah ok. i just wondered if you were generally unhappy and could make changes to your life (probably because that's how I feel but happy with dp). it does sound like you should separate but don't wait for a lottery win or it wont happen!