Hi all, yet again returning to this board and hoping for some wise advice to get me through the festive period. Cut a very long story short, my dh and I have not been happily married for years (just re-read my first post on the subject, 4 bloody years ago!!).
My main problem is this; I finally asked him to leave back in May. We were apart for 3 months. He changed in ways I could never imagine, went to weekly counselling to overcome his destructive behaviour (towards me), got help for his self-esteem, tried to get a better job etc, basically lots of things I'd wanted him to do for years. He treated me awfully for years which he readily admits, lots of gaslighting, passive aggressive, negative behaviours. Our lives were so unhappy.
Now, my problem is this (trying to make it short whilst he's out!). I just don't think I love him enough anymore. There, I've said it. I feel so full of resentment for so many things and I just can't get past it. I'm having counselling and on anti-depressants. I have tried and tried to make it work for years, in a desperate attempt to keep my family together but I just don't think I can do it anymore. He will be beyond devastated, but he is my fourth child and I just can't keep holding everything together for everyone anymore. My head and heart scream to me that it's over but I just can't face doing that to my children, but years of him letting me down, wasting our money, losing our house, being massively negative towards our children, I just can't keep pretending. He keeps hinting at sex and I just can't put a front on that anymore either. How can I do this to my children? Obviously wouldn't do anything over the holiday period. My counsellor says I have a big issue putting my needs above others, true, but I do consider my kids needs to be paramount. He's not abusive, just thoughtless, immature and hugely negative.
Not sure what I'm after here really, I'm not sure how to link to previous threads as they would probably help. However, any advice from anyone, especially people who have survived the guilt of separation much appreciated.
Thank you :(
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Wise advice please from you wise ladies!
12 replies
everonwardsagain · 23/12/2014 16:40
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