Hi, I know this is not the worst thing in the world in the grand scale of things but it is on my mind and I would appreciate the thoughts of the wise mumsnetters on the Relationships boards.
I have two older brothers. I had a happy childhood with them, though my eldest brother (7 year gap) was definitely the more distant. We did click with some things, I remember him introducing me to books he thought I would like to read. I fought more with my brother who is 3 years older than me but I do remember occasions where he stuck up for me, like with a school bully I had trouble with. Anyway we all met our long term partners around the same time, and we all now have young kids (eldest grandchild is 6, mine are 4 and 2).
I am feeling a bit sad about our relationship as adults now though, as they seem happy to keep things very superficial, and make little or no effort to stay in touch themselves. Most contact is via our parents or if we see each other while visiting our parents.
My eldest brother in particular has upset me. It was my birthday recently and neither he nor his wife acknowledged it. I don't expect a fanfare but a text would have been nice. There is a bit of recent history here as his wife has behaved a bit oddly the last while. Things had been going well actually and we were meeting fairly regularly for playdates between my neice and my two dds. This was great for my eldest dd in particular as she is autistic and has trouble socialising but always got on well with this cousin. Suddenly my SIL called a halt to these meetings with a very lame excuse that she wanted more 'mummy time' with her dd. I was a bit taken aback by this, the playdates had been going really well (though my brother wasn't involved at all in these arrangements). She is pregnant with dc2, I don't know if this has anything to do with the change. I was upset by this turn of events but never said anything.
It was a significant birthday for this brother recently and my parents had a small celebration. I went to some effort to make him a particular cake he likes that my parents hadn't managed to find in the shops. I am sad that even in spite of this he couldn't be bothered to remember/acknowledge my birthday. I have spoken to my mum about it and she acknowledges that he is quite detached in this way, as can SIL be. He is not great at keeping in contact with my parents either, despite living geographically very close to them. She was quite shocked at the business with the playdates too.
Anyway I am just rambling on, just trying to articulate how disappointed I am at how my sibling relationships (but in particular with eldest brother) have turned out. I know a birthday is not a big thing when you are an adult but a text takes next to no effort at all. I would always have sent a text and a card. I won't anymore I always thought I had a good family but it seems to me that my siblings attach little significance to our relationship now as adults.
Any mumsnetters have wise words? I know I probably shouldn't take this so much to heart. My father in particular is not that close to his siblings (brothers and one sister) and I always thought that was sad growing up and that would not happen to me but it looks like I'm already there
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Relationships
Sibling becoming distant
18 replies
ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 21/12/2014 22:34
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