I left my ea, fa and va husband over 2 months ago. I ended up making plans secretly after a couple of unsuccessful attempts to leave. We went to marriage guidance but he was lying during counselling and I realised he wouldn't change and rented a place. This was a real shock to him as I've always been under his spell and he thought he would have me back for Christmas and he would just "make more effort" I am finding it hard for the following reasons:
- in the festive season everyone in the media appears to be happy and I am mourning the person I thought he was (and could be sometimes)
-the house I am in is very small and things keep going wrong for me (flat tyre/jammed door where I needed to get a locksmith out/baby getting up at 5am/broken boiler etc etc and I have to cope with 3 kids while he is still in a lovely big warm house and has just bought himself a 20k BMW while pretending to be heartbroken about me leaving.
- he uses my eBay account and bought himself a book called " Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You" so clearly this is going to go down in history as all my fault while he paints himself as the victim.
- he refuses to admit that he is abusive as his stepfather was and he is not the same. He is just depressed/taken too much on/I am very difficult to live with
- he always bought my 2 kids from previous relationship Santa presents and I would give him money. He is now keeping the gifts he has bought to give to them himself and I don't know if the stuff I've ordered will arrive in time(plus how to wrap it with a 10 month old who is scared of sellotape and no where to hide it in a tiny house with no storage)
- I am fairly certain he is dating again whilst painting me as this evil woman who has left him for virtually no reason.
He has the baby tonight but always has him at a different time to when my other 2 are with their dad thus I never get a break and it's been sooo stressful moving house twice. He wants me to pick the baby up at 9 as he has a works day out tomorrow. I have just seen a red mist as I don't think it's fair he gets to go for a day out when I've not had a freaking day off since baby was born and last night out was my hen night in 2013 and he collected me at 10pm. I told him he can keep him tomorrow as I'm having a day to myself. (Thwarting his night out but I actually feel like I am mad and have thought maybe baby would be better off in care as he broke me down telling me I am incapable of showing love so am worried in going to pass on all my deficiencies to ds) I was literally shaking with rage. I don't like the person I am now. How can I drop the rage?
Thanks. All answers appreciated.