my bloody parents[angry]

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

i love my parents very very much and have a close loving relationship with them.they are fab grandparents and as supportive as they are able to be....................but oh my god they drive me insane sometimes!!!!


my mum has this thing of worrying crazily and unneccessarily about..crap!!!! and i have to pick up the bits.

have had 3 phone calls from them this morning about the issue de jour, the last of which ended up with my mum in tears because i rose my voice in frustration.Am going over this afternoon with what i think is the solution to the 'problem' but i'm guessing we will have more drama.
just feel like shouting at them!!

i know they are getting older and finding things harder but i get so frustrated.

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

so does no one else have parentslike this?
is there an equivalent of the naughty step for 70somethings?

[colditz]

what's the issue? I think a lot of elderly worrying is caused by too much time on the hands.

[edam]

dh's mum is a bit like this, ever since her best friend and dh died suddenly within weeks of each other, leaving her living on her own for the first time in 35 years. She worries about tiny things and can't make decisions or work things out. She's just lost all her confidence. It is very frustrating but I try to be sympathetic and sound off where she can't hear me.

[alexsCURSEDMUMMY]

my sis has very generously bought them a really fab holiday.she has organised)difficult to get and expensive) travel insurance and everything.all they have to do is pack their clothes and get themselves to the point of departure.
which is a BIG problem .am getting very frustrated. have offered 3 different options but they are worrying like crazy about all them.
and clothes? what clothes to take? and , and and and ...etc etc etc.

[webcrone]

I have a mum who worries incessently about everything - her basic philosophy is that the universe is essentially malevolent and that 'other people' are unkind! And I love her to bits!

I've trained her - not quite with the naughty step - to understand that if she wants my attention (which is what really underlies a lot of her behaviour) then moaning and worrying don't work - I've told her this explicitly, calmly stopped phone conversations mid-worry, and (very occasionally) resorted to raising my voice. If she rings in major panic I get her to breath deeply and slowly before she tells me what's up. I also get her to see the funny side as often as I can and will often simply refuse to go there when she starts leading a conversation into the deep mysteries of her worry-world! She has a pattern of saying 'what if....?' and coming up with some deeply improbable and frequently absurd nightmare scenario, and my response to that is always that if we get there then we'll deal with it, in the light of whatever information is available to us at the time.

I do find it frustrating sometimes - and like a child, it's often worse when she's unwell or hungry/tired - and I've accepted that she's not likely to change now, particularly as she's always had a tendency to worry too much, it's just got worse with age.

HTH!

[catsmother]

I think a lot of older people do get like this ACM. My mum does - and has done so noticeably since my dad died, albeit that was 15 years ago. I suppose the confidence you might have as a young woman on her own isn't the same as when you've been brought up in a different generation where women mainly relied upon a man.

My mum packs for her holiday two weeks in advance "just in case" (in case of what god only knows - clothes stealing martians maybe) and then makes a big point of telling me how she's done this ?????

Mind you .... you're talking about both your parents here ?

Is there a possibility that maybe, just maybe, they don't actually want to go on this holiday (not casting aspersions on your sister BTW) ..... and that the seemingly unnecessary worrying is their way of expressing this ? Maybe wherever/whatever it is she's booked for them isn't really their thing but they don't know how to tell her ?

Would it help them - and you - if you took the bull by the horns, dedicated an afternoon to this ....... took along a pen and pad, listed the pros and cons of each option, then step by step dealt with each of their worries, striking them off and getting down to a final decision ? ....... or could that turn into an even worse worry-fest ?