If you had a partner who was known to have secret internet sex

[earlgrey]

And you woke up the next morning to put CBBC on, and it was on a programme that offered free sex for one night, what would you think?

I know I've said a lot on this before, but this is going one step further - watching it, rather than seeing in on the internet.

And for those of you that don't mind (and I appreciate that, but I do) would you mind if he denied it? Or are you ok with it because he tells you about it? H denies it, if he'd just come clean I could come to terms with it a bit better, I think.

It's not like he's living with some old has-been (well, I may be to some!) but I'm not totally unattractive and he's, well, old but well preserved.

This is despite the fact that dds, whenever we speak to each other, say 'don't fight'. We do, sometimes, but now they feel we always do.

[NotQuiteCockney]

The lying would bug me.

And tbh, I would be more bothered by "secret internet sex", if by that, you mean, having text sex with other people online? That seems more intimate to me than just consuming porn.

[redbullbloodandbump]

is it sky?????

If so on ours as dp a year ago ran up a big bill for the adult channel on the pay per view, you can go in to settings on your remote and block the adult channels with a pin number that you choose, it stopped dp!!!!!

[earlgrey]

Yes, it's a set-top box. And I got dd1 up yesterday, put cbbc on for her, and all I got was something 'X', call later if you want to view it for free or subscribe for the night.

Apart from all this, he's treating me like s*. Do you think that's why? Getting enough for himself and treating me like a doormat.

[MellowMonsta]

Sounds like he has maybe been viewing the porn channels but you only get a little clip then you have to pay.

I am also pissed off with dh and porn. He got some from some workmate. It seems like every time I go to video/dvd he has been watching. I actually dont mind a little bit, now and then, but like you say I am not unattractive. I know I still attract opposite sex and dh is also bit para of this. So wtf does he watch this shit all the time.

Sorry for that. Feel bit better.

[divastrop]

i threw my xh out because i found out hed been watching that stuff on sky when i was in bed.to me a man doing that behind my back is cheating and he may as well be sleeping with somebody else in rl.
xh tried admitting everything and saying sorry blah blah blah but it was too late.

[redbullbloodandbump]

try blocking it like i suggested, its really easy to do and it will put a stop to it on the sky

[earlgrey]

redbull, it's not Sky, it's a set-top box

[throckenholt]

maybe he is treating you badly because he feels guilty.

I would try and talk seriously about the whole situation - write down your concerns and feelings if you don't think you could talk without it descending into an argument.

Point out your concern about the (perceived) lying, and the relationship in general - and that the porn may be a symptom rather than a cause.

Suggest Relate maybe. Your DDs obviously feel you are not getting on very well at the moment.

[earlgrey]

throkenholt, that's been suggested to me before by my RL best pal. Sureley, though, (at least if it were me and I'd done something wrong) you'd be nicer, not more horrible.

And we did try Relate, but he refused to admit to it, so I just walked out

[WideWebWitch]

when you say a programme that offered 'free sex' I assume you meant it was a porn channel subscription do you? Because I don't think that's end of relationship stuff necessarily, whereas I think internet sex/texting with someone else is much more serious.

Can you persuade him to give Relate another go?

[earlgrey]

WWW, no, because he lies.