Finding it hard to decide what is best

[Sarahlou1605]

This is my first time ever posting but I really need some impartial advice..
Yesterday I told my partner of 4 years and father of my ds that our relationship was over.

Things had not been right for a while now. Everyday we are constantly fighting and blaming each other, our argument end up getting louder and sometimes we push or shove each other out the way. My partner blocks the doorway if I try to get out the room during a disagreement which I hate as I feel very threatened by it, so I in turn try to move him out the way.
Our ds is one this week, and I feel he has started to pick up on the atmosphere around the house which breaks my heart.
My partner is very controlling man, he tells me off if I havnt done the washing up, I am constantly asking his advice or permission about things. ' should I get ds a bottle?' Etc...... And I have no idea why, I just feel constantly belittled and judged.
This past Friday, I came down with viral gastroenteritis, I could hardly stand in the morning...... My partner made me help him change our son and then shouted at me that he wouldn't be doing everything on his own that day, basically calling me lazy and that I was selfish. I collapsed on the floor so ill, just crying because of what he was saying and all he said to me was 'stop crying' in the end I had to call my mother ( who lives 60 miles away) to come and look after my son because there was no way I could cope with a one year old on my own in that state ( sick and diarroah constantly )
When he came home from work later , he didn't even ask how I was or thank my mum for looking after ds. The next day I had recovered a bit but he still told me 'I want this kitchen tidying today' ( meaning me) .....well that was it. We had a huge argument infront of our son ( usually we try not to argue infront of him) and ended up doing crazy, he tried to grab hold of my wrists and pull me out the house, screaming at me that he 'didn't want me ' anymore. I repeatedly spoke to him calmly to calm down infront of our son. In the end I went upstairs to have a shower, two minutes he came up and tried to make up me, to which I told him I'm not taking this anymore and it was over.
He started crying and begging me to stay saying I was taking his son away from him and he will never be able to be a proper dad.
We live in Leicester but my family are from Lincolnshire so they came to pick my and my son up.
All the while my partner is begging and pleading.
Next day I am say here wondering what the hell has just happened?
I go from living with my partner and son in our own house to sleeping in my old room back home 60 miles away with my poor ds who has no idea what is going on!

I have a part time job which helps to pay for the mortgage and bills... But obviously I can't go to work if I'm in Lincolnshire as my job is in Leicester. Therefore mortgage will not be paid and where does it leave us??
I'm so confused whether I've done the right thing.......

Oh and also, the other week I saw that my partner had been watching gay porn on his phone, I confronted him and he said it was only the second time he had watched it and he was just curious but didn't like it..... We havnt had sex since our son was born.

I know to anyone rewarding this it sounds simple what needs to happen but........ I don't feel strong enough to cope on my own. I'm broken

[thisisnow]

Oh you poor thing, he sounds vile! You have done the right thing getting away form him. You don't have to cope on your own you can get support from your Mum? It's not healthy for your son to witness that kind of behaviour! And gay porn?

[Sarahlou1605]

Thankyou
My mum and dad are great, my mum is a childminder from home so obviously child care is fine. But I don't want to live with them forever.

I know he sounds horrible and he can be, but one thing I can say is he is a brilliant dad, my son dotes on him.

I just feel lost, he has been my best friend for years. We met at uni, and he helped me through some really hard times ( depression etc)

He keeps saying he will get councilling and help... Do you think that can save our relationship?

I'm aware I am clutching at straws now !!

[Jan45]

Oh please get out of this horrible relationship, it's toxic and is damaging your child, if he wont leave then you go, take your son with you and live in peace and harmony, not being dragged from your home by a bully, he sounds absolutely awful to live with, the way he speaks to you is disgusting, you must surely see you are worth a hell of a lot more than what this man can give you, you sound like a lone parent anyway, at least if you got away you'd have some peace and quiet in your life.

[Twinklestein]

He's not a brilliant dad he is abusive to you, and all the arguments you have had, and his behaviour will impact on your son.

You've done the right thing. Do you have a joint mortgage?