There are just so many stories on here about women being betrayed and left by their partners. Too many men who insist they are unhappy and have been for years but gave no sign of this unhappiness in their behaviour. Men who just up and go and expect that the rest of the world will accept their actions and carry on as normal as if they have done nothing wrong.
DH had an affair 2 years ago after 31 years together. He never tried to blame me but there was a 24 hour nightmare period of gaslighting and half-truths before he came out with the facts and during that time he implied that things hadn't been good since our youngest child was born 9 years before. I whinged on about in on here at length. Things are OK now, its our 22nd wedding anniversary today.
My problem is that I wonder if I will ever feel entirely secure again. If so many otherwise decent stable men can do this - out of the blue discover their disatisfaction despite all evidence to the contrary, decide that ordinary family life is just too difficult, how can any relationship survive? What if my H, despite all he says and does now, decides he wants to leave? Of course I would have to suck it up, gird my loins and get on with it, just as everyone does, but the thought appals me. I think that is the lasting legacy from his affair - that it is perfectly possible, in the most secure of lives, for a big hole to open up in the middle and everything to collapse into it. I could have left him and found someone else, thinking all
was hunky dory, and it could have happened again, and again, who's to say it wouldn't? And unlike sudden death, financial disaster, etc an affair is something that someone does on purpose because they want to, not an accident, an act of man not of God.
Having a really hard time anyway atm. Both my parents have potentially serious health problems and I know that it's only a matter of time before I lose them both. My depression is beginning to swirl around me as it tends to on the autumn.
I often think that I would be better with no partner. Just me, kids (until they leave home), dog and my cats.
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IrianofWay · 17/10/2014 15:24
'those who are pre-disposed to mis-trust who I believe will always be proved right because they are expecting it to be that way.'
Glad to know all women of cheating gits are thoroughly responsible - 'it's YOUR fault I fucked her, darling; if only you'd trusted me'. 
Or perhaps not.
That's like saying only people who wear seat belts will crash.
I followed your story with H right from the start, and I think that much of what you're feeling is completely natural in your situation.
Leaving aside the feelings of insecurity for one moment, are you happy and fulfilled in your relationship with H? As happy as you would have wanted to be, 2 years on from his affair, when you decided to stay in your marriage?
So much of this post resonated with me, and even before I got to the 4th paragraph I was ready to post to ask if you were feeling completely ok emotionally.
You're still going through a tremendous amount of stress - not just with your marriage but with your parents too.
It sounds as if you need more outside support, in addition to your running.
I'd say you're not really talking about trusting all blokes here, you're talking about trusting your dh 
If you'd had the opportunity of some time on your own and dating etc after the affair then you'd have recent experiences of all different men.
People do trust again after affairs, whether with the actual h is harder I don't know. I've found it hard (divorced) but having been on my own a good few years and knowing I can cope fine on my own helps, iyswim
sorry things are hard just now and that you went through this 
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