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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Feeling very down and upset

25 replies

Dominodancer · 28/09/2006 10:07

I have a freind who basically waits for me to call her or go over to her, she finds excuses as to why she can't come to see me. She hasn't a car, the bus fair is too expensive, she was up late up,she isn't organised. Blah blah blah.
Yet she has other friends she meets up with regular and can make an effort for them. She claims she hasn't got money for the bus fare but can spend money on crap and stuff for herself.
I have excused this for a while as she has other things going on in her life.
But she is always saying we don't get together enough!!
Yesterday I got in touch with her and I suggested I pick her up.

Her answer was ummmm you could but I am going out in the evening to a group and I like to spend the day preparing for that and doing my hair and straightening it and covering my spots up. I like to spend the day to chill.

Now I am miffed a this, I mean she is making damn obvious that she would rather spend the day in doors doing her hair then her and her little one come out with me and my lttle one. They play well together BTW.
Evertime I have been over there too she is never ready and she is glued to the PC.

It's peeing me off and I feel used.
We have known each other for three years and we live 20 mins apart. We have quite a bit in common and we both use a forum, not this one.

OP posts:

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alexsmum · 28/09/2006 10:12

i would be forgetting about this woman. just don't contact her-you don't need her this badly.

Dominodancer · 28/09/2006 10:22

I think your right sadly.

Life is too short to deal with excess baggage.

OP posts:

monkey · 28/09/2006 11:07

absolutely, why on earth bother? She sounds awful.

mumblechum · 28/09/2006 11:55

She's SO not worth getting down & upset about. Put your energies into making some new friendships and forget about her. Is she a teenager? sounds like it with the "all day hairwashing/zit covering"!

Dominodancer · 28/09/2006 15:07

Exactly!!

Shame for the little ones though, but she obviously can't be bothered. So nor am I.
I can get on woth my life whilst she carries on with her set up.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 28/09/2006 15:32

Treat her like a whimsical man and play hard to get

Dominodancer · 28/09/2006 22:46

Yep that is my strategy and lets see how important this is to her or not.

I'm feeling very aggrivated though I spent the time and effort in the first place and do feel a mug for being the taxi and everything else while she takes it all.
Well I'm going top start being a bit more sefish and unavailable now.

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fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:00

i had a "friend" like this. she used my dp and i last christmas - i was invited to shopping with them and later realised it was purely so she could get her gifts home in our car. she wanted me to look after her ds so that she could go shopping or soemthing - when she knew it was the same day that dp got out of hospital after suffering from pneumonia and her ds is noisy at the best of times little tyke. her son and my dd used to get on quite well but i felt that my dd shouldn't see me being used and growing up thinking that it was quite normal for people to treat others in that way

fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:00

he had pneumonia

fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:01

sorry it's not working again mn towers

soapbox · 28/09/2006 23:02

You have to put the ^ round each individual word - not hte phrase.

fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:04

ah can i try it again?! he had pneumonia

fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:05

thanks !

bubble99 · 28/09/2006 23:05

DD. You sound like a lovely friend.

I wouldn't bother with this woman, TBH. Yes, it's a shame that your little ones won't get to play - but little ones are good at making new friends, and I'm sure you are too.

fransmom · 28/09/2006 23:10

once the initial shock wears off dd, you will feel much better for cutting contact and you have friends on her, doesn't she?!

Dominodancer · 29/09/2006 19:40

Just had this message from her.

I hope all is ok with you... Hopefully we can catch up next week at some point.

Have a fab weekend.

Oh so she does want to get together?

Maybe I'll be washing my hair on that day.

OP posts:

Mumpbump · 29/09/2006 20:38

I think everyone knows someone like this. I have/had a friend who made a big fuss about staying in touch after ds was born, arranged to visit, but never showed and it will be one year on Sunday since the last time I saw her (I know because it's our first wedding anniversay). Everyone is so busy nowadays, I think you have to be a bit selective about which relationships you invest your time in...

fransmom · 29/09/2006 21:14

i meant here sorry

Dominodancer · 01/10/2006 08:43

I have other friends on the other forum who are just online friends but I don't feel like posting on it now.
I just had a look and she seems to be having fun posting all day and seems to be the life and soul. Plus she has bought something for herself which is for her that cost a fiver - More than a bus fare over to see me, me thinks. So she can buy things but can't afflrtd the bus fare. Charming.
Actually If I think about it it just winds me up now, so I'm going to leave it til she contacts me again.

OP posts:

Pruni · 01/10/2006 09:11

Message withdrawn

DominoDancer · 08/04/2007 23:24

Well how long since I started this thread??!
I haven't seen her since. I have heard from her though and she is doing well in her own little world with the friends that she has now. They send her stuff and basically praise her up so obviously she will take. Anyhow I have had a few problems of late and tbh her support was bare minimum. Wheras I was there for her when she was going through the shit.

I had it out with her about her manner and told her what I thought about her and she thought I was being unfair as she meets her other firends with plenty of notice!! And it is difficult for her to do that, yeah i had noticed that she hasn't even bothered suggesting a meet up. Yet she goes on about her little son asking after mine.
I really am glad I no longer in touch with her, I'm just annoyed that I was used and wasted my time and friendship on the wrong person.
I see friendship as a two way street, She saw my friendship as a one way ticket to get her own selfish ways.

OP posts:

tribpot · 08/04/2007 23:29

Her hair must be very straight if she has eight hours a day to spend on it

It sounds like you're better off without her and now you know it too. Sometimes friendships are like this - they can wax and wane of their own accord and sometimes it's more abrupt, and one person walks away for the good of their own self-respect.

Possibly a bit hippyish of me but I think we take something out of all our friendships, good and bad. In the future you'll be more discriminating and be more able to shrug off superficial users like this. It's a shame she wasn't worth the time and effort you invested, but it says more about her than it does about you.

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pirategirl · 08/04/2007 23:30

Oh dear, I know how you feel on this matter. I have a similar problem atm, and one minute I'm trying tro understand the friend, trying to understand where they are 'at', then the next i get angry and think, hey there is something wrong cos I feel kinda of pushed out.

Its obviously made you sad, yet I hope you can move on fromthis particular person, and invest more of your care in someone more suited to you as a mate
good luck

pirategirl · 08/04/2007 23:32

tri-- I agree,

it hurts, but we hopefully learn, and get to discriminate. Even if we never feel we do learn, especailly when we are caught up in the middle of a friendship drama, it does resolve itself.

DominoDancer · 08/04/2007 23:39

Thanks you two. Quite right.

OP posts:

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