H has left me while pregnant for OW now he's taking our DD to see her

[Littleowl24]

My H told me 2 months ago that he wanted to separate. We have a 3 yo and I'm 7 months pregnant with our second. He is still living in our house and won't move out. Neither will I. He doesn't love me anymore and has told me he's struggling to be a dad as hasn't bonded with our DH. I found out by snooping around that he's been seeing another woman. Today he's taking DH out for the day and this morning he told me that he's meeting the OW with our DD!

I've been struggling with the separation and have very high BP that's effecting my pregnancy. This has topped me over the edge. I know they would meet at some point but for me this is just too soon especially as we are still living together.

My heart is breaking. I don't want him back but I do want some respect from him. I know she is his daughter to and he has a right to take her to meet whoever he wants but this seems so wrong.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

File for divorce. He will be forced out eventually

[myroomisatip]

I know you will get loads of good advice on here but just to give you MO, I think it is far far too soon to introduce your DD to the OW. Given that you two are still living together it will be very confusing for her.

This is not good for your DD and your 'D'H is being a selfish entitled twat of the highest order. I hope you can get him to leave asap!

Have much and .

I am so angry on your behalf.

[myroomisatip]

Yep. Get as much legal advice as you can, see all your local solicitors for a free consultation because once they have advised you they cannot act for him.

Go to the CAB and find out what you are entitled to re benefits. Get copies of all his financial statements, income etc.

If you have a joint account then speak to the bank immediately so he cannot access the money without your say so also! I am sure someone can add to whatever I have missed.

Good luck.

[Mostlyjustaluker]

Little owl this sounds like a horrible situation. I don't have any practical advice, I am sure other will, but just wanted to say I think anyway you are dealing with this is brave. I hope you are getting lots of real life support.

[myroomisatip]

Also, I do hope you have stopped doing his washing/ironing/cooking etc.

I don't even know this guy and I am really furious.

Yet another sad tale on MN :( There are too many!

[jadey101]

How awful little Owl. I think this is one of those rare cases when you just have to say 'You are not taking DD anywhere.' He can't cope with being a father but wants to pretend hes worlds best dad and play happy families with his new bit.

File, but take you and DD to stay with you mother or somewhere else for the time being. Don't let H take DD anywhere as he clearly cannot be trusted to act in her best interests.

[Ledkr]

I didn't let my dd meet the ow for years and I make no apology for that.
My poor kids were confused enough as it was.
Dh respected my wishes as he fejt so guilty.
He sounds like a selfish cruel idiot so in the long run you much better off without a man like that.
Go out if you want to, he lost his right to tell you what to do when he dumped you.

[Littleowl24]

Thank you for your comments. I'm glad others see it from my point of view. I've taken my free legal advice from 3 solicitors. Basically I'm unable to make him leave as we both own the house. It's not until we have a financial settlement that anything can actually happen with one of us moving out.
I feel I need to be apart from him to be able to get over him. Living with him as though he's a lodger is so hard. I'd love nothing more than to be able to not care about him or who he sees but I'm still so emotionally attached I'm pretty close to leaving myself as I can't stand living like this but I've got my little girl and due to give birth in 2 months so I don't think me and the kids should be the ones to leave.

[badbaldingballerina123]

Surely this counts as emotional abuse ?

[Littleowl24]

It does feel that way at times. I know I'm a little over sensitive with some things though. Pregnancy hormones aren't helping the situation.

I'm not sure I have the right to tell him not to take our DD to see OW but I still shouted at him last night to not do it again until we discuss terms in mediation. Living together is now going to get a lot harder.

[myroomisatip]

I understand. Hence my MN name, I lived in my bedroom.

Have you started divorce proceedings?

I think you have every right to insist he does not take your DD to see the OW, as I said before, it must be confusing for her. There is ample time for her to build up a relationship with the OW (if she stays around) but there is no benefit in her doing so at this stage.

[ElsieMc]

Do not allow him to take your DD to see the OW. You can refuse because it is not in your DD's best interests. How can it be when he has told you he is struggling to bond? You are already suffering high BP due to the situation and are pregnant with his second child so the further upset this will cause you and your DD is unacceptable. It will make your self esteem plummet further and confuse your DD who cannot rely on her dad to do the right thing for her.

There is also the issue of the OW. You know little about her other than the fact she is seeing a married man with a young child and whose wife is seven months pregnant with their second. That speaks for itself.

You really do need RL support. He needs to leave because once you have the new baby the situation will become intolerable for everyone. I do hope you can move forward and wish you luck as this is wrong on every level.

[LucyLocketX]

I would seek legal advice as to whether you can prevent him taking DD to meet OW. I would say it's certainly too soon at the moment.

Also, I just wanted to say, this happened to me too. He left when I was pregnant with our second child. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The pain is immense.

Don't let him blame you for anything. He will try to make out this is somehow your fault. It's not. Look up narcissistic personality disorder. It helped me understand how someone could behave like this.

Get real life support. Tell people what is happening. Lean on those you can depend on. Ask for help when you need it.

Finally, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will get through this. It's going to be really tough but your life will be better again. You will be far better off without him in the long run x

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The man has no shame, does he? Talk about kicking someone when they're down. Is there no-one around you that can offer support? Family? Friends? Some great big ugly brothers that will turn up and frog march him out of the building?

[3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole]

What a twat

I would be putting my foot down and he would not be taking dd to see ow!

Cheeky shit

[hamptoncourt]

Yes, you have to start divorce proceedings to get him out. Have you done that yet?

Nothing will change until you take that first step OP.

I cannot imagine how disappointed and angry you must feel. He is a total shit, but you have to channel those feelings to secure a life for you and your DC.

[Littleowl24]

Thank you for the support. I'm lucky that I do have some very good friends who have been there through the darker moments. Family live quite far away but have been doing what they can.

I'm really glad that you all agree that it is too soon for him to take DD to see OW. I think it's quite likely that he's been seeing her well before he broke up with me but I can't prove that. It's also doesn't matter now. I'll be filing for divorce through mediation. I want to use adultery as the reason as we are still married and he's sleeping with someone else even if he did break up with me first (yeah right) In the eyes of the law I have 6 months to do so from wen I found out. That takes me up to the due date. Never thought I'll be filing for divorce during a pregnancy. Not quite what the MW recommends

X

[yorkierocks123]

Well one good thing (I do know it's not good but you know what I mean) is that at least you know you are doing the right thing divorcing such a cruel and pathetic specimen. Better that when they don't admit to anything and try to be nice about things and are not honest telling women one thing and doing another for months on end.

In the long run this will be great as it will definitely make it easier and quicker to get over.

Please look after yourself and wishing you all the best things will get better.