My mother plummets to new lows of inexplicable behaviour.

[lolaflores]

If you were to ask any of my siblings how and where our maternal grandfather died, we would to a man reply thus;
He had a heart attack in the a field and died. My mother found him and she was 15."
Sad but this was what we were told
Fast forward to 2014. My aunt. Her sister posts a picture of granny and granddads headstones (this is for geneaology details for American cousins) and my grandfathers death is dated 1969.
My brother was 3 I was 2 and my other sister 1. My mother was then in her late twenties and living in England.....
CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN WHY SOMEONE WOULD DO THIS. I
I can offer lots of other bizarre behavior she has done over time...but I cannot understand this. Help most appreciated

[strawberryshoes]

Who knows? Ask her?

Maybe she felt he was dead to her from age15 so told you he was really when he wasn't.

[Dropdeadfred2]

ask her

[Tommy]

I guess not telling the truth usually catches you up doesn't it - you're going to have to ask her

[lolaflores]

we did. she claimed amnesia and that she never said that. so how much 3 f us repeat the exact same story...

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Sometimes the only thing you can do about inexplicable behaviour is to stop attempting to understand it.

[MaryWestmacott]

So you know you can't believe anything she says, she tells you stuff for effect, be it to upset you, control you, to gain sympathy from you, to make you behave a particular way.

Look back at any other stories or pieces of information, if they have only come from her, then you can't trust them.

[Susiesue61]

My mother has rewritten parts of our childhood. She also argued with me a few weeks ago that I had a year off work after each of my children, when the most I ever had was 6 months. And she told me I had remembered it wrong and I was lying!
I find the easiest way to deal with it is to ignore, shrug it off, otherwise you drive yourself mad xx

[Badvoc123]

Oh god, yes to the re writing of history!
My mum does this all the time.
It's upsetting, infuriating and sad in equal parts.

[lolaflores]

she once told me I was adopted and had all the paperwork upstairs. she is very controlling indeed. viscious when cornered and a proper brown nosing twat to anyone she thinks is better than her, makes them special and full of qualities beyond anything mortal.
I can't have anything more to do with her. its too painful and too hard mentally

[Susiesue61]

It is sad, because if she is implying she's forgotten the crap bits, does that mean she's forgotten the good bits too?! And the forgetting always paints her in a good light, not me. (I mean the new story does)

[lolaflores]

there were ot good bits, ever. our dad died when we were young. he was only 33. since then we have lived with a martyr. not a real human being. we were a nuisance. my childhood was in parts horrific. and with her there was no where to hide. she has recently started saying she has parkinsons, cos a woman she knows has it. and at 75 is still having menopausal hot flushes.....seriously.
life through her eyes is grim.

[queenoftheknight]

My mother is the universal authority on this. I have no contact with her, but more often than I would like, have people ask me to confirm that they are not going mad because of something she has said or done, that has no logical explanation whatsoever. Or that she has completely re written history in some bizarre way.

She is gaslighter extraordinaire, and has in the past had rather a lot of voltage pumped through her brain courtesy of the NHS...made no difference.

Some of her stories can change within seconds, in the same room, with the same group of people.

On the one hand I feel sorry for her, but on the other, it is wise to stay very, very far away.

[lolaflores]

queen I know. she undermines truth as a past time. say one thing then deny with cool confidence she didn't. she has been seen by a psych and was delighted that she lied her way through the whole thng. she bamboozled her. that gave her no end of pleasre and she often repeats it as evidence of getting one over on people supposedly better than her.

[Andro]

The reasonable(ish) reason for a story like that is that he was an abuser, she went NC and created a story to stop you asking questions.

However, if reasonable isn't within her usual repertoire of behaviors then it truth is anyone's guess (my first guess would be because a story like that would get her an awful lot of sympathy and attention).

I too have a mother who can only be described as toxic...but everyone else thinks she's wonderful. Rewriting history? Oh yes, like you wouldn't believe.

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

Your Mother is a nasty fantasist with no conscience. My sister is like this. I have gone NC. She lies about things to make her sound more important than she is. We are stout working class yeoman stock and she married into a well bred, asset rich, cash poor family. She told her husband that the vintage christening dress she had, had been in our family for generations when I remember her buying it in an antique shop. She was christened in a 'shortie' Ladybird one and I was too. I have the photos to prove it and yet...... If this type of thing was her worst crime I would still be in contact but it's not so I'm not. Me dropping contact with her, benefits her actually as I can't tell the truth of her lies casually in conversation now and eventually her husband and in laws and kids would realise she is a fantasist. These types are more toxic than they first appear. You need to get some good distance from your mother lola

[capsium]

Sounds like she gets caught up in embellishments, and then some, when making accounts of her life. Tailoring her conversation to audience reaction might have become automatic... Sadly it means you cannot trust the veracity of anything she says.

She might enjoy a spot of 'am dram' which would, at least, give her the outlet she craves for some of her ad lib...

[realitygone]

My mother is also a fantasist, compulsive liar and extremely good at putting on a front in the face of being caught out.

We went nc for a year as I simply could not take her lies anymore, or the abusive behaviour from my dad who believes every word she says.

Unfortunately op as hard and as waring these women who birth us are to deal with we have to make a decision, you either accept her for who she is and make no rise to her shortfalls as a morther or you cut her off and live life without her in it.

I guess it depends mostly on your dependance on her, I couldn't remain nc with mother as I craved my mum who I knew in my darkest of times was there for me. I have detached from her and only allow help which benefits myself, I make no time for conversation about her problems as I cannot believe a word she says.

It seems a very sad reality for many of us that we are scars of a generation of abusive mothers. The mothers seem to be scarier than the fathers who beat us, I certainly have found the emotional scars hurt me much more than the physical scars.

[realitygone]

Whoops. Sorry for the ramble

[AncientBallerina]

It probably happened to someone else and she somehow believed that it happened to her. My mother has started to tell stories of my childhood as if they happened to her to the extent that she has had something framed that she claims was in her parents house. In fact she gave it to me once for Christmas. She makes stuff up all the time or reinvents stories/history and gets very cross if corrected
. She doesn't really get the concept of an 'absolute truth' I think. It is very upsetting but I agree with others you will drive yourself mad trying to work it out. I mostly let my mum's version of reality wash over me and make sure I don't tell her too much about my life because I hear the most incredible versions back... She starts revising stories through her own lens almost immediately. It is very odd.

[RaRaSkirtsForever]

My mother does this, she told me that I was allergic to penicillin. Kept the lie going for 40 years and now denies ever saying it.

[RaRaSkirtsForever]

So much of my childhood has been re-written and the sad thing is that none of my siblings correct her. Last year I was screamed at for not remembering a holiday, I later found out it happened years before I was born.

[lolaflores]

Oh Lord help us all. In turn, I have become over honest. not a saint but if something happened or I said something, then that version will stand. I won't be recreating shit.
my brother also does this. he lives in his own world. I am able to keep her at arms length as we are in US at the moment she is in London. I know in the past she has said outrageous things to my sisters about me which they believed uhtl they spoke to me and got the actual sorty.

[plentyofshoes]

My mother is the same. Nc for about 10 years now. Would re write history so she appeared to be the victim. The opposite was true.

[zipzap]

Sounds a nightmare but at least you are aware of it so know to ignore anything she claims is the truth!

Can you speak to your aunt to find out the real story of when your gf died, if you ever met him and why your mum might have come up with the story she did?