Was this nasty, or will he not even notice?

[WendyBloomers]

Ok help me out, I feel really mean!

I joined Tinder about three weeks ago just because it was a Friday night, I was bored and wanted something to do.

I've spoken to a few guys some were nice and there's one I think I could be good friends with, most were after just one thing so I swiftly 'unmatched' as that's not really what I'm looking for.

Anyways, here's where I'm feeling mean.. I matched with someone yesterday and he started up a conversation mainly where are you from, what do you do, do you drive etc.. Then he said about maybe going for a drink one day which I in haste agreed to then shortly after he asked what day I was free..I said could he do the week after instead but then I wimped out! I've never done internet dating or anything so started to panic a bit thinking what do we talk about (he literally knows nothing about me and vice versa) what if he's a psycho etc.. Anyways crux of the matter is before he had a chance to respond I've unmatched him so we can no longer talk to each other. I felt really bad doing it but other than saying 'actually I've changed my mind I don't want to meet you' I didn't know what else to do. I feel really harsh about doing it but I am a massively overly sensitive person.

He probably has loads of 'matches' he's arranging the same thing with so he's not really going to care is he? And literally we sent like 8 messages each so it's not really like I've wasted his time? Still, I did feel really nasty doing it.

If you were him would you feel upset/annoyed? Don't want to have hurt his feelings. Convince me he's really not going to care please

Tinder or any sort of internet dating is obviously not for me!

[WorraLiberty]

Aww don't worry about it.

From what I hear about internet dating, you need to develop a thick skin. If he hasn't developed one yet, he'll need to eventually...as will you.

I wouldn't give up on the whole internet dating lark just yet though.

Maybe just learn from this and take a little longer before you agree to meet up?

[HumblePieMonster]

Don't worry. Its how it works. People don't take it too personally. If they do get upset about it, you're better off without them. Some get whiney after a couple of conversations, and some get possessive! That was a bit fast anyway, from nothing to meet-me-now. Go at your own pace. Meet in daylight in a public place.

[LovesPeace]

I think it was rude. What was wrong with telling him the truth?

Ok, I get the 'thick skin' comments but a little politeness/kindness costs nothing.

[OneDayWhenIGrowUp]

It was pretty poor online dating etiquette, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. Noone owes anyone anything and yes, to successfully navigate the online dating minefield you definitely have to develop a thick skin and not take anything personally.

People being rude, not replying etc is par for the course with online dating.

[LividofLondon]

What are you going to do next time someone asks you out on a date though Wendy? At some stage you'll have to pluck up the courage to meet them (in public obviously in case they are nutters) or risk doing this over and over and becoming one of those online dating timewasters. Do you really want to date or just like the idea of it?

[WendyBloomers]

I think if it was someone I had actually chatted to, rather than just going through the logistics, I'd be much more comfortable with the whole thing. It all happened so fast! I should have said 'Let's see' rather than agreeing straight away..

The problem for me I guess is I've always been with people I knew already so it just developed into something more so there wasn't any of the awkward first dates when you have to try and figure each other out. The thought of going on a date and not really knowing them and keeping the convo going seems really daunting!

I really don't think I'm cut out for internet dating!

[PlantsAndFlowers]

This is just the kind of thing women on the dating thread complain about.

[LividofLondon]

It can be daunting but if you try and split the process into digestible stages, not even thinking of the next until the previous stage went well, it hopefully will seem less so. So for example...

1. Exchange a message with someone whose profile you like. Try and find common ground ASAP. If there isn't any move on to the next.
   
   
2. Chat on the phone. You can get a much better idea of whether you'll get on that way rather than via email. Text is a crap way of getting to know someone (no space to say much and no tone of voice) so I wouldn't bother with that.
   
   
3. If the chat(s) go well then arrange to meet. If you meet for a quick lunchtime coffee and have to be somewhere afterwards you have a definite end to the date which will help. If it's not great at least you know it'll be over at X o'clock.
   
   
4. If you both had fun hopefully you will meet again and get to know each other better.
   
   If the conversations don't flow then you may not be a good match, but it depends if both of you like quiet!