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Being called a regret and mistake!!!

(13 Posts)
Lookingforabetteryear Wed 30-Jul-14 22:40:30

So my ex partner was classic ea. we have a baby and only txt to discuss pick ups etc. tonight he has decided to call me a regret, biggest mistake of his life and said his bad behaviour (ea )was down to him knowing deep down that I was a lier and awful person. Firstly why on earth do I still care, secondly why the hell would he say this?!?!? So very hurt.

HumblePieMonster Wed 30-Jul-14 22:45:59

He says it because making you feel bad makes him feel good.

You still care because you're a human being and those things make you feel that you aren't valued.

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 30-Jul-14 22:48:31

Yes your right. Just human emotion I guess. I know if sounds awful but I just held onto the Idea that at least there where some positives to the relationship but clearly not.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 30-Jul-14 23:16:03

my ex partner was classic ea
And he still is ea...is why. The broken record, bla, bla, bla.

Still caring is hard, I know. Time, kind of a cliche, helps.
It may sound simple, (and I do not mean to patronize) have you given yourself permission to not care? Caring is the foundation for being a civilized, nice, and self aware person. So not caring can go against your nature, character and possibly your identity as well.

Maybe you could set some guidelines on what qualifies for your care...does your ex qualify? As the father of your child, I can see there would be some element of concern for his existence, but that begins and ends with the association with the baby. Yes?

So he's still a knob. It must be sooo boring being a knob all the time.

MyPrettyToes Wed 30-Jul-14 23:22:48

You love your baby? Yes you do. That is a massive positive that you gained from the relationship.

Your ex was ea? He still is. He knows saying this bile will affect you. He lost power when the relationship with you ended. He is trying to maintain some sort of control/power over you. Don't let him, don't engage with him, don't feed it and he will shut up. He clearly has issues but they are not your problem.

BookABooSue Wed 30-Jul-14 23:24:45

He was ea and he's still ea. What he says may have little connection to how he feels. He is speaking for effect not to share his innermost emotions in relation to your relationship.

Also, it doesn't matter what he thinks your relationship was like.

You are still allowed to think there were parts that were positive. As long as that positive perception doesn't tie you to him in some way. So, acknowledge there was some good; there was more that was bad; and be eternally grateful that you found the courage to leave.

Try very, very hard not to link your sense of self with anything he says about you. Imagine a protective bubble around you with his words bouncing off, or arrange a few sessions with a counsellor to help you separate yourself from him emotionally and mentally. If he thought positively of you it would mean you were someone who was happy and willing to be his emotional punchbag forever. Be glad that isn't you.

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 30-Jul-14 23:25:14

Yes that's true. How can he still want to verbally abuse me .awful man

Madlizzy Wed 30-Jul-14 23:27:38

I'd agree with him, but with a very sarcastic tone and take the wind out of his sails. Something along the lines of "Yes, of course dear, I was terrible, wasn't I? Such a shame for you, life must have been so hard. Bye".

Namechangearoonie123 Wed 30-Jul-14 23:30:19

Or:

"Well, it was also so hard for me living with your tiny penis .
At no point did I feel satisfied, in fact I'm surprised I managed to get pregnant LOL"

Just make him see how utterly ridiculous you find his texts

Lookingforabetteryear Wed 30-Jul-14 23:33:46

Ha!!! Oh god insult the man who thought his bedroom skilled where amazing lol

Scarletohello Wed 30-Jul-14 23:41:41

He can't bear the fact that he can no longer manipulate and control you, this is why he's doing this. Please don't listen to him. It's him who's got the problem. Not you.

Hissy Wed 30-Jul-14 23:43:01

Simple, and this applies to all abusers and their insults:

They call US what they are most afraid of being called themselves

The easiest way to get them to wither and shrivel like a lightly salted slug, is to return all their insults, word for word back to them.

I discovered this myself and the power it unleased was unparalleled!

The nastier they get often is an indication of how strong you are. The stronger you are! The nastier they get.

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