Social anxiety getting really bad :( stopping me meeting friends

[worrier008]

I would really appreciate it if anyone could give me tips to help me get over this social anxiety related to meeting people and socialising.

At school, I was never hugely popular as I was very quiet, but I always had a group of about 4 close friends. Now I am in my 20s and circumstances have changed (I've moved away from my hometown and lost touch with people) and I find myself wishing for a group of female friends that I can do things with.

I joined the Girlfriend Social website and got chatting to someone on there. She seems really nice and we share similar interests. She is keen to meet up for a coffee but I am terrified. I know it sounds ridiculous but I keep putting it off and I'm worried she'll lose interest.

I don't know why this has become such a problem. I have a normal life in terms of going to work and mixing with people (as I feel I have to) but when it comes to anything social I clam up and would rather stay at home, as that's 'safe'. I really want to meet this girl but I'm scared about actually meeting her and keeping a conversation going. I also worry that she won't like me.

I feel like it's controlling my life now. I want to join groups associated with my interests but the thought of walking into a room of strangers is my worst nightmare, so I haven't even tried. I worry that people find me unfriendly, because on the outside I look normal and put on an act so my work colleagues wouldn't know. It's affecting lunchtimes too, as I have developed a new worry about eating in front of others and so I try to eat alone at work.

Does anyone have any advice? Or understand what I mean?

[Egghead68]

It's very common.

Contact your local Improving Access to Psychological Therapies service, if you are in England, for a free course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for social anxiety.

Good luck!

[nugget05]

Just do it! I know that probably sounds harsh but honestly it'll be the best thing for you. I suffer have social anxiety and it ruled my life for years it got so bad I couldn't leave the house, I have depression as well which didn't help matters. I hit rock bottom, had to do online shopping and then couldn't open the door . I got so angry with mmyself that 1 day I forced myself to go out just to the shop, I got halfway there and had a massive anxiety attack. The next day I got a little further and I kept pushing myself until I could go into the shop and back without having an attack. It was hard and took a long time but once I did that I forced myself to go somewhere busier and kept doing it like that. My Dr told me that I'm as well as I'll ever be, I got myself to the same point that counseling or pills would.
Its hard and I still have random days where I can't go out but I refuse to let it rule my life anymore. You CAN do this, it'll be rough but you'll come out the other side a stronger, happier and healthier person. Don't be afraid to ask for help and good luck

[Egghead68]

You can also buy a good book from amazon called overcoming social anxiety.

[toyoungtodie]

Worrier, my heart goes out to you as I had exactly the same phobia that started at 19. I could not go to a cafe, or eat in front of any strangers or eat in someone's home as I thought I would choke. I needed counselling but it was a long time ago, so I got prescribed tranquillisers. I was on them for around eight years. I had a job that involved sitting down to lunch with others and it was agony. I also found the tube excruciating and sometimes got off before my stop.because of the claustrophobia and panic attacks. The whole thing ruins your life. I think I was affected because the meal times in my childhood home were very tense, with a bullying abusive atmosphere. We were made to sit at the table until everything was eaten. This involved a lot of rows and screaming etc. Eventually I threw the pills away when I was 29 as I became pregnant. Gradually I stopped being so self conscious. It is caused by lack of self esteem. I think CBT and mindfulness training, in addition to the tranquillisers, would have helped me. Luckily for you, phobia's are now more recognised. You don't have to spend eight years of your life hiding away and feeling anxious. Take Eggheads advice . If you go to your GP, he will immediately recognise your symptoms. You can get counselling on the NHS. You can also take a counselling course yourself at a college. It is a way of getting counselling without the expense. As part of the course you will receive counselling. In the end I got to realise that I was as good as anyone else and although I am never going to be a relaxed person at least I could be happy. I now eat in front of anyone and I am very relaxed socially. Don't worry , it will get better, but don't leave it any longer before you get help as the problem will escalate. Xx

[PurplePunkPrincess]

There's a brilliant book called how to always know what to say. Deals with a lot of issues and really has started to help with my fear of meeting people and talking to people, have had issues since I was around 14 and it ruined my education. Just lately I've become almost agrophobic. I downloaded the book on my iPhone and it is helping :)

[crazylady321]

Im sorry you feel like this, I suffered really bad from around 14 -18 during last couple of years of school. I had to leave 6 form as I was been sick every morning with the fear of going. I took a year out and went to college and although I was same at start I ended up making some good friends. Gradually my confidence imporved.

Im still very shy and find it hard to make up conversation with people, certain people I just gel with and im ok with but others is no, certain days I am so nervous about doing the school run, once kids are in I just rush home. There are some lovely mums I do talk to but the others I just go into a panic if they talk.

I find pushing myself to do things make it easier, eg going to playgroups and meeting other mums off mums sites. At work ive always been ok its like im a different person it does me the world of good

[whatisforteamum]

dear op you are not alone.I was popular at school and college then developed this at 23.I was housebound and had to leave work.My husband was great and through councelling i recovered.It hit me again at 30 when i had the kids.I ve missed weddings,parties and many holidays through it.NOwadays people laugh when i say i lack confidence as im v confident at work but i always back out of meeting for a pizza or drink.SSRi s are often prescribed although im not keen on taking any meds.See your GP for a referal to HEALTHY MINDS a service with very little waiting time where you will gradually do the things that cause the most anxiety, and good luck :)