having feelings for someone we shouldnt

[hopeforhappinessinlife]

Weve all been there right? Recently ive been leaning on a friend who I've developed feelings for. Weve been friends a couple of years, yes they are married, happily I don't know. Do I stay away, tell them how I feel or just carry on as friends and try to forget feelings.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Don't tell them how you feel because there's no going back from that. Do take a big step back, spend less time with them and find other people to lean on.

[NacMacFeeglie]

Why would you tell them how you feel. Doesn't it bother you that they are married so they are off limits.

Do what most people do and ride it out. The feelings will pass. Don't go giving them temptation and respect their marriage.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Enough with ideas of 'temptation' and married men being 'off limits'. Let's not make women the guardians of men's fidelity shall we?

The thing to recognise OP is that this is no longer a platonic friendship on your part and it would be unfair to carry on as if it was - and I mean unfair on you. When you say 'happily I don't know' I'm guessing you only know and socialise with the man rather than him and his DW as a couple. Keep hanging around this guy, leaning on him etc and you're not only wasting your time but demeaning yourself in the process.

[Sandthorn]

Soap operas have a lot to answer for, including this "you have to tell him/her how you feel" sentiment. You don't have to tell him how you feel, and what are the possible outcomes?

A) he returns your feelings, and you engage in some grubby emotional and/or physical affair
B) he leaves his wife for you (nice work )
C) he doesn't return your feelings and your friendship dissolves in the ensuing awkwardness

The best alternative is that you detach from him, maintain a bit of dignity and the possibility of a friendship later on once you've got over your crush, as you surely will.

[holeinmyheart]

Everyone who is self aware and reasonably intelligent has the ability to make choices. At this point, before any harm is done, you can step back. Although it is entirely his choice to break his vows, cause his wife untold heartbreak and possibly ruin his children's lives, why would any decent woman want to try and aid and abet such cruelty to other women? What have his wife and poor DC done to you that you would consider wrecking their lives? What you are contemplating is WRONG. You will get over this crush and by distancing yourself you will be doing the right thing. Please do it.

[Noneedtoworryatall]

Should you tell him how you feel?

Are you insane.

Come on love, he's married ffs.