Not sure if this is relationships but not sure where else to post it. My FiL has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. It came within a few days of several other bits of bad and stressful news, and he's only mid-60s, which is apparently quite young to get it - but the worst bit is, he had suspected for a while but didn't tell anyone, so now it's only treatable, not curable.
That in itself we can deal with - my uncle lived well into his 80s with it, had it for 16 years and died of something else anyway.
But the problem is - my PiL have told my husband that it has spread to his pelvis, but the doctor is happy that the treatment will reduce that tumour and it will not get any worse.
But they've told my parents (they are friends) that it's actually in his spine as well, and he has a less than 30% chance of living five years.
My mum accidentally told me assuming that if she was party to such knowledge, we would be, but weren't.
My FiL is in total denial, and my MiL still sees my OH as a little boy she has to protect.
Years ago, his nan was in hospital for three weeks, we only found out when she came out - they didn't tell him because "they didn't want to put him off his work" - he worked in a warehouse at the time, stacking boxes. He could have handled knowing his 93-yo nan had broken her leg.
When he asked why they thought he couldn't they said: "When Grandad died, you were so upset, you had a week off school."
School is the clue there - he was TEN and his Grandad died right in front of him, on a day out together. Of course he was traumatised, but it was 25 years ago!
So now, he is dealing with his dad's illness under the false hope that it's contained and he has a good chance of lasting ten years, but I've been told different.
He also has me 6mths pregnant with a baby we were told might be disabled, a house in desperate need of repair after a flood (it's safe but full of holes and looks awful), and a constantly growing list of errands his mum needs doing urgently (but that aren't urgent) that she needs him to do cos his dad can't - things like changing a light bulb in the spare room in case someone comes to visit.
They live an hour away, so he does his best, but he works shifts so it's not easy.
I can't talk to his parents - a)because I'm not supposed to know and b) because we are not allowed to mention "it" unless they do as my FiL is so down about it.
I can't talk to his sister, who lives in the next street from them but has four kids so "can't help out". I don't know what they've told her anyway.
I don't know whether to tell him, but then he will worry even more, whether to persuade him to ask them if there's any news or just wait to see if they tell him.
I feel so bad knowing but am angry at them for sharing that info with my parents but not their own son (not that being angry will get me anywhere).
WDID?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I know something I shouldn't -WDID?
lbsjob87 · 04/05/2014 07:08
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.