Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anyone else feel like giving online dating a go, but cringe at the idea of their ex seeing their profile?

(16 Posts)
PlantsAndFlowers Wed 23-Apr-14 22:49:38

For some reason this is a massive mental block to me!

Really don't know why! I don't love him, am over him (though we still co parent). Were together 10 years split up 18 months ago.

Why does it feel like a big deal?

He is quite a condescending judgemental type who still sheds tears over the fact that we aren't together.

He would only see the profile of he were looking himself FFS! [Grin] Aaaargh!

whichoneofusisnuts Wed 23-Apr-14 22:53:56

My first day on POF and I got matched up with my stbXH!

PlantsAndFlowers Wed 23-Apr-14 22:58:43

Oh god, he'd see that as a 'sign'! What a nightmare.

I wouldn't mind so much if he had a profile on there. He then couldn't make any comments about me being on there!

mummyOF4darlings Wed 23-Apr-14 23:37:00

I have been on dating sites in th past and i must admit that was my biggest fear not just about exs seeing but people i knew in general. Felt lots better having browsed through and seen a fair few other locals smile

VinoTime Wed 23-Apr-14 23:42:13

I can honestly say that I don't care two hoots how many of my ex's/ex fuck buddies etc have seen my POF profile, if indeed any of them actually have. I do however get a bit blush when friends see it, which is just bizarre hmm

PlantsAndFlowers Thu 24-Apr-14 00:06:50

Not just me then? Phew! smile

BillyBanter Thu 24-Apr-14 00:19:04

This had never occurred to me until now.

Thanks. angry

Walkacrossthesand Thu 24-Apr-14 07:33:54

One thing you can do is set your privacy settings to 'make my profile visible only to other members' - that at least means you don't appear on a casual browse.

Walkacrossthesand Thu 24-Apr-14 07:36:46

Oh, and make sure you actively remove your info (especially photo) if you leave the site - most of them don't take down profiles of lapsed members, as it gives the illusion of a lot of matches to choose from - your photo will be there forever unless you remove it, which you can't once your membership ends!

PlantsAndFlowers Thu 24-Apr-14 08:08:03

Ooh, good advice there. Thanks!

MichonnesSamuraiSword Thu 24-Apr-14 08:33:03

I worried about this when I joined an OD site... and then I found my ex on there! Also a few other people I knew... yes it's a bit cringy, but I figured if they're on there, we're in the same boat.

As walk says, you can set it so your Ex can't see you unless he registers himself.

And at the end of the day, I met the love of my life after a few months on OD, and 4 years on my ex is still on there. So just tell yourself you're out there looking for someone fabulous and tough shit if anyone judges you for that. You'll have the last laugh.

patienceisvirtuous Thu 24-Apr-14 08:43:18

This happened to me during my first month on Match sad However, it was my ex's friend who saw my profile and then showed ex. We had been split up years (he was a twat and I dumped him, he was gutted and tried to persuade me many times over the years which I declined smile )... but he still felt the need to text me and say I was obviously desperate and he was laughing his tits off at the thought of me scraping the barrel for dates.

So yes, dodged a bullet there, but deleted my profile, never to return because it made me feel so shit.

Anyway, that is a bad experience and a rare one I am sure. Now I am in my mid 30's and more confident I probably would shrug it off.

Despite that rambling, I think you should go for it OP, and try not to worry what about your ex.

shey02 Thu 24-Apr-14 11:43:02

Scraping the barrel......? God, people are so judgemental and superior aren't they? I found internet dating much more fun and safer than bar crawling personally.

OP, don't worry about that. And if it bothers you, just do a regular search for him and block him if he shows up.

PlantsAndFlowers Thu 24-Apr-14 15:41:29

That's kind of it, I think he would make a point of laughing at me, and even though I know he would be really upset underneath it all Id be lying if I said that wouldn't make me feel bad.

MichonnesSamuraiSword Thu 24-Apr-14 15:51:48

Like shey said, it's far safer and nicer than bar crawling looking for a date.

Just try and imagine how you'll feel when you find someone lovely, or perhaps go on a few really fun dates - whatever it is you're after - you won't give a shiny shit what your ex thinks.

And if you do give him a moment's thought, it will be to think "In your face Ex, look at me having fun!"

I really would recommend it, but I do agree it's a bit awkward at first.

NotSoNewNow Sun 04-May-14 19:13:59

Anyone still about? I found my nightmare ex on the site I'm on last night... Have hidden my profile in case he hasn't already seen me.
Can anyone give me advice about blocking him? Is there a way of me doing something so I wouldn't show up on his matches? He did way down on the list for me? Thanks

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now