I'm having a moment of huge ingratitude I know, but please indulge me.
My younger self never wanted to get married and never wanted to have children. I am fairly introverted and need a certain amount of peace and quiet and my own company in order to function.
I look at my life now and think How on earth did I get here? ExH wanted marriage and children. I gave in and he got them. He ran away with another woman leaving me with three children one with SN (due to a genetic problem in his family).
I worked for twenty years in a job I hated because he liked the lifestyle the money bought and I thought that I was contributing for the greater good of the partnership so put up with it (the recession rescued me from that one with redundancy).
So here I am at 50+ divorced (I don't want him back but I am so, so P'd off that he pressed for marriage then spent his time cheating behind my back - why bother FFS? Its not as if I want holding a gun to his head), with three young teen kids (who I love, but God they are hard work and this Easter break has been a nightmare with the constant bickering and I can't bear them one minute longer) four pets who follow me everywhere I go and unemployed.
I can't help but look back on the life I planned to have: academic career, live alone, no H, no children, no pets, just me and books. How did it all go so wrong? Is there someone out there living MY life and, if so can we swap?
Anyone else feel like this or am I just a moany old bag? (I know I am and tomorrow I'll pick up the cudgels and trudge on).
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Relationships
Could the person who has my life please give it back?
14 replies
3mum · 22/04/2014 20:07
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