Hi, I've never posted here before so please be gentle. So as not to drip feed, this might get a bit long.
DH and I have been together for 6 years, married 2.5. 2 step children, none between us, been TTC for 18 months with 2 miscarriages last year.
We've had a rough patch. I've been struggling with the MCs and TTC in general, the constant counting, the pain every single month when its failed AGAIN.
We generally are very close, make time for each other, date nights etc. He isn't the best at the small things, intimacy and kisses/cuddles etc which has been an issue in the past.
A couple of weeks ago I went out with my friends and stayed out a lot later than normal, ended up back at my mate's house with her and her fiancé eating pizza. A couple of the girls had gone a bit earlier, and in hindsight I should have gone with them and shared the cost of the cab etc, but I wanted a pizza! He had the hump about it and seemed to think I had stayed out on my own with a bunch of randoms. He just decided this from what I'd said about the fiancé turning up and the other girls going early.
We had a bit of an argument about it but it blew over.
The following week I had a bad one. I tested BFN, had some blood results which didn't tell me anything, I was in a bad place. Had a work night out and again, got drunk and stayed out late. This time I actually was with a bunch of random people (I was just letting off steam and enjoying myself) and to avoid an argument I lied to DH and said I was with some other people too, who weren't there. I don't know why, I just didn't want a row. Needless to say, he found out and went mad, wondering why I'd lied. I am so ashamed of this and I apologised for 3 days. We made up eventually, he's been a bit off since, understandably. But I've just got lower and lower as the week's gone on...
I go to counselling for various reasons and last night just told her everything, realised I'm angry with him for loads of reasons, being so bloody positive about TTC (just relax, it will happen, you're putting too much pressure on it etc) and my resentment that he already has kids while we're struggling to conceive. I'm hurt by the lack of affection from him in our relationship I feel like a glorified housemaid half the time. I feel like he doesn't appreciate me - not the things I do for him/us - but me.
I sat him down to tell him everything last night. I was hoping he would understand and tell me he would be more attentive etc. But its backfired and now he thinks I'm laying foundations to leave him! I told him I was getting to the point where I didn't even want to TTC anymore because its too bloody painful, but he has decided I just don't want a baby with him?! That's the one thing I REALLY want.
I've spent all day emailing / texting him (we're both at work) trying to make him see that the only reason I've told him this stuff is to attempt to salvage things between us before one of us goes off the deep end and its too late. But he just thinks I'm completely unhappy in the marriage and want out. I've said that I'm sorry he is hurt by my words, but I needed to tell him.
I don't know what to do now. I've told him I want to work at it, I've said what I will do (no more taking for granted, using him as an emotional punch bag) and I've also said what he can do to help fix things (more affection etc). But I don't seem to be getting anywhere and I wonder if I've made too big a deal of it.
Have I done the wrong thing by telling him how I feel? Should I have kept it quiet? Are we going to be ok?! We've never been in this situation before, I don't know what to do. How do I get him to see?
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Relationships
He thinks I want to leave him
15 replies
SeaSaltMill · 18/02/2014 16:03
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