Separate duvets - marriage saver or divisive?

[tummybummer]

DH and I have had separate duvets for a while now. We don't duvet share well. He is a larger than average person so takes a lot of duvet and I am a burrower so need a lot. Also, I like to be tucked in on both sides. Currently he has the bed duvet (kingsize) and I have a single. Sleep well but miss the closeness even though we are not cuddly sleepers. The duvets kind of make a physical barrier though sex life is good.

Ditch the separate duvets in favour of closeness/intimacy at night or not? My DH prefers sharing a duvet.

[scotswoman]

Buy a super king size duvet and share it

[mousmous]

imo if something is wrong in the relationship, the arrangement of duvets will not make a difference.
we have single duvets each. for us it means we both sleep better, are more awake, less grumpy, and for intimate moments we just cuddle up.

[Awkwardsis]

Yep, buy a super king bed and duvet. My dp is a 6 foot 4 giant and I don't even notice him in the night!

[MissPryde]

I like sharing a duvet. Dp is also large, but I'm the duvet hoarder. Not only does the sharing come with lovely cuddles and intimacy, there's nothing like a bit of sleepy competition on a cold night to spice things up. Plus I always win.

[Dahlen]

I can't see that a duvet on its own would make or break a marriage, but why not just get a bigger duvet?

If the largest standard size (emperor, I think, two up on kingsize), you can have duvets custom-made to whatever size you want, these days. You can also buy custom-sized covers.

If expense is a worry, why not stitch your kingsize and single together (or two doubles) and do the same with covers?

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Separate bedrooms do us no harm. She snores and coughs, I thrash and sweat.

And as for the shift work...

[madamecake]

We have a double bed and a super king size duvet. We can both wrap ourselves in it without the other person getting cold (which was usually poor dh, I'm a duvet hog).

[tummybummer]

Embarrassed to say I thought kingsize was the biggest you could get!

[Joysmum]

Hubby and I have separate double duvets. I like to be warmer and wrapped up like a sausage roll! We both like to remain separate at night and don't like cuddling in our sleep, I also hate breathing in the same air so sleep mostly facing out wards.

It makes life better. We both sleep better as a result. As for sex, well that's not affected. We go to bed, we hug and chat and get horny, or never make it to bed at all!

[Musicaltheatremum]

In Scandinavia this is normal apparently as it is easier to keep warm according to some Scandinavian friends.
When I was in Austria the hotel double beds had two single duvets.

[mousmous]

absolutely. and double beds usually mean 2 single beds pushed together as well.

[StilettoJam]

we have a double duvet each & a healthy sex life. I overlap them in favour of my side on a superking sized bed

[nokidshere]

Separate duvets preferably on separate beds in separate rooms is definitely the best way for a good nights sleep in our house

We go to bed together, read, chat, snog or have sex then a sleepy cuddle and then he wraps himself in the duvet, closes all windows and turns out all lights and burrows down for his 8 hours, whilst I decamp to my own freezing cold room with windows and blinds open, and the fan on for my 3-4 hours sleep.

We have been married for 27 years and have slept apart for at least 10 of them. Even before that we slept apart intermittently.

[Hoppinggreen]

In Germany they usually have 2 single duvets and I don't think they hve higher divorce rates than us!!!

[LittleBabyPigsus]

Separate duvets can absolutely be a marriage saver if you like different temperatures and therefore different duvet weights - saves arguing and heating bills!

[purplemurple1]

I'm in Scandinavia it is common here - we have separate mattresses and quilts - it's fine and warmer.

[SockQueen]

We have separate single duvets on a kingsize bed. We sleep much better this way than when we used to share a duvet. I feel the cold more than he does, so have a thicker duvet - if we had to share then either he overheats or I freeze! It also means we can wrap ourselves right up without stealing duvet from each other. Cuddles are still possible if you work around them!

[Nora2012]

When we were in Germany this was the norm and we loved it! It gets a few raised eyebrows when I talk about it now but I think it's just a case of don't knock it till you try it!

[Kveta]

We've had two single duvets instead of a double duvet for about 8 years, and it works well for us. Totally normal in DH's country though, so we have just adopted the habit from there! Hasn't stopped us from snuggling!

[Jengnr]

We have separate double duvets. This is a new development after a four year battle. He likes a duvet that is barely a sheet and I prefer not to freeze in bed.

[Contraryish]

We've been together 20 years and always had separate duvets. It started out as a necessity as we were students and pooling resources, but over time we have found we prefer it, to the extent that we will take our own duvets with us if we go and stay somewhere because sharing a duvet is horrid.

Dosn't seem to have broken our relationship!

[diddl]

We're in Germany & have a single mattress each in the same bedframe & a single duvet each-different tog!

We don't notice each other turn over in the night & there's no roll together!

If we want to cuddle/have sex then we do!

[TheDoctorsNewKidneys]

We share a duvet but we have a huge kingsize one. DP is like a hot water bottle at night so sharing with him saves on our heating bills!