This might be long - will try not to drip feed....
Been together over 10 yrs, moved in (bought house) 4 yrs. Married this yr.
Dh says he did v.well at primary school then spent much of secondary in 'isolation' slightly off the rails, school referred him to a psychologist (i think) which i think his ineffectual (but nice) mum and v.anxious dad didn't know what to do with.
Not much in the way of long term relationships before me. He was 25 when we started.
Lived with his parents all his life. Struggles to hold down a job - not because he can't do the job but because he has high expectations of others and is very critical difficult when they are not met. This applies to his and my family and friends too.
So, lack of his work is the reason it took so long for us to buy a house. But he got a settled job, we moved. He changed jobs (was constantly unhappy) then just weeks after marriage, quit his job.(same reasons) Picked up some casual work. Which has just ended. Says quit job as wasn't happy and wants to make things better, for him, and for us. This was 6 months ago. No changes for the better that i can see - house is still a shit hole. He hoards immaculate piles of magazines and newspapers.
All sheds are packed to brimming with his 'stuff'. But in a disorganised, spread out way. Kitchen and dining room are full of tools and bites of motor bike. Nothing gets done.
He is very anxious about things. And critical. Gets himself all worked up about stuff like putting a curtain rail up, so its likely to not get done and end in us arguing.
He pits words, thougjts and feelings onto me that i haven't said thought or felt. I think he is very self critical and thinks i MUST be thinking these things.
I know this all sounds bad, its not all bad and theres much good but its this bad stuff that i don't get. This morning i asked him about work (how had it been left?) and he reacted v.badly. Don't i realise he feels bad enough? That hes trying to make things better? That its boxing day? Then when we carried on speaking - he wpuldn't talk about today, but just in general. I'm not making much sense now, sorry.
I feel that theres an issue, some sort of MH, anxiety, something. But not sure how i can help him. Or if i can keep going through this up and down.
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Relationships
Can anyone help me work DH out?
Sparrowlegs248 · 26/12/2013 22:24
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