Thanks. Well, we are getting on better than we were even last year but things are not perfect, and this whole thing has been brought up again for me recently.
I have heard about registering your interest with the Land Registry but I gather the owner would find out that you had? I think this would come across as a threat to h and he would not react well - as if the next move I was planning was to leave as it were. Which I am not (though things had been awful for a long time, during which I often thought about separating)... I don't like the feeling of insecurity I have though...
SirSugar - why did it help to have registered your interest in your home when your h died? This is another issue for me as h has no will and refuses to discuss any of this.
I recently asked him outright if the next property we move to (which there had been vague talk of, nothing concrete since we disagree on where we would go, but both want a change I think) could be in both our names as joint tenants as this would mean more security for me - that in the event of one person dying unexpectedly, the house reverts completely to the other person. He reacted suspiciously with a loud "WHY"? I explained that at present I would get a portion of the value of the house but not the rest (which goes in trust to the kids I think?) - which would mean a lot of upheaval etc... He simply said this wasn't true and maintained I would get all of it (don't know what he is basing this on because this certainly isn't true). I then put forward the emotional argument - that I would feel like an equal partner etc..... He was silent at this and I left it that he could think about it since moving is not imminent. He is not going to change though. He lives in a lone ranger kind of way. Not that he isn't responsible towards me and the kids, but in his head I think it is very much only him. That's another thing I don't like, being a satellite in his world rather than an equal player .
Also, I don't know enough about inheritance tax and don't know if the kids are going to miss out in the future because of h's refusal to deal with any of this?
Anyway, this all sounds morbid. I know there is more to life than this, but I would feel more secure if I didn't feel that I don't really have a say in anything. H could sell the house without me knowing etc....
What has brought all of this up for me is the fact that h has been thinking of buying a new family car (which would also double up as a work vehicle) without saying anything to me, to the extent that he arranged for someone to come and show him one. Have posted about this and some people think I am overreacting. To me however, it feels as if I am never ever going to grow up and gain my own independence.