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Confused

(12 Posts)
LD68 Sun 27-Oct-13 14:47:02

My DP & I separated two weeks ago. I had found out he had been having an emotional affair. I cut off contact with him for four days before I had to contact him with an issue regarding our son. Since then we have been texting & it went from being friendly to telling me he still loves me & wants to date me but maybe I should go on some dates first. He said he's not interested in dating anyone at the moment, But maybe if neither of us has got anyone in a year we could get back together. I told him I do not want to date him & other people at the same time as I want it all or nothing so I decided on nothing. He has text me today saying we can still be friends & if I would like to go for coffee or something to eat sometime. Can anyone tell me what's going through his mind. I am so confused.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 15:08:05

He wants to worm his way back. That part about keeping you as a fall-back if he hasn't found anyone in 12 months is eye-wateringly insulting. Hope you told him to piss off. If it's over you'll find it far easier to move on if you keep the relationship you have with him on a strictly business/co-parenting arrangement and avoid cosy chats over coffee etc.. It'll also be less confusing for your DS. Good luck

str8tothepoint Sun 27-Oct-13 15:10:46

He sounds like he's trying to show you what he use to be like. He's disguising the coffee or something to eat as a 'date'. Don't fall for it or you'll end up doing something you may regret. Distance and space from his is what you need, the relationship is over get yourself together don't let him sneak his way back again. Harsh but if he 'loved' you he would not have had an affair and are you willing to put yourself through the heartbreak or second guessing if he's cheating again. You deserve better

LD68 Sun 27-Oct-13 15:23:32

Thank you both. Cogito you always speak so much sense. What I find so hurtful, is that I've been with him over 20 years all of them good apart from the last few months when he started this EA. It's like he's telling me to go & find someone else but he doesn't want to let me go.

str8tothepoint Sun 27-Oct-13 15:37:26

You don't deserve to be feeling the pain or the hurt. Have you let him go?

I would be really curious as to whether he is thinking (consciously or not) that this is a way of getting a little excitement and 'what if' from you. Exactly, presumably, what he was getting from the EA. He gets to 'date' you, flirt, have a single life with some fun. Maybe he's hooked on the feeling. Either way, don't give him what he wants.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 27-Oct-13 15:44:20

He doesn't want to let you go but, by what he's doing by saying 'go find someone else and come back to me in 12 months if it doesn't work out' is gambling that one day he can say you're as bad as he is... that you're all square on the infidelity front. Like I say, jaw-droppingly insulting. He hasn't just turned into this person overnight either.

LD68 Sun 27-Oct-13 15:46:00

I've been responding to his texts str8 as I don't want to let him go either. I do love him. I remember how we used to be before all of this but I just want it it go back to that but I know it can't because of all the lies & hurt. X

str8tothepoint Sun 27-Oct-13 15:46:58

you've answered your own question x

LD68 Sun 27-Oct-13 15:54:11

Mrsterrypratchett I was thinking that maybe now his EA was out in the open it didn't hold the same appeal for him so he wants to sneak around with me. & cogito I think you are right he could then say if I ever dragged up the past "well what about you with......"

Kewcumber Sun 27-Oct-13 15:57:02

wants to date me but maybe I should go on some dates first

He doesn't want you - sorry

I know no other man who really loved someone who would say "hey great idea - why don't you date other people".

You are only confused becayse you don;t want to beleive this you want to believe "I do still love you"

AnyFuckerforanamechange Sun 27-Oct-13 18:25:39

You're better than that, OP and he can fuck off TTFSOF.

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