I'm devastated. I live in Dorset, have 3 wonderful children and a wife who I love with all my heart.
She's leaving. It's all come as such a shock.
She told me a month ago that she didn't love me anymore. We were getting on so well, it came right out of the blue. Apparently she'd been feeling it for a while.
We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for all that time and I just miss talking to her. She is so detached and I'm very worried about her sanity. She doesn't seem herself, but the times we do talk we still have that camaraderie; the laughs, the looks, the connection!
We have had quite a tempestuous relationship, but we will, we are both passionate people. She's blaming the breakdown on a moment of stupidity on both our parts just short of a year ago. We went to counselling and half way through she stopped going (the counsellor asked her whether she thought she was being abusive to me - I don't think she ever has been, just angry at times). I carried on and I have made such in roads to improve myself, for the sake of myself and our relationship. I feel good about it, although now it appears in vain.
She's moving into a rented house tomorrow, hence why I'm not sleeping and posting for the first time on here. When I look at the jigsaw puzzle, none of the pieces fit together. None of this makes sense.
I personally believe she is going through a life crisis and I feel I'm bearing the brunt of her frustration. A couple of months ago she started going out with a (girl) friend of hers who was splitting up with her husband. In no time she had met all these new younger people down the pub (she's 35), it was then I started noticing a difference in her. She put back in her lip ring, belly button ring and several ear piercings that she hadn't worn in nearly 8 years (she took them out after the birth of our daughter). I'm not that gadgety a person, but noticed her phone going off a lot, some type of app where you send photos to each other, she'd send them to workmates and god knows who! I trust her, I don't think she's the infidelity sort. She has herself buried in her phone all the time and the computer too, it's been like that for ages. To the point where I feel she may have an unhealthy habit. She has also mentioned my age quite a lot recently (I'm 38), saying she doesn't want to be married to an old person (tongue in cheek, but it all adds to the puzzle)! Added to that, you could say we are tied to the children (2, 5 and 8) and that in itself is draining (as beautiful as they are), we don't have enough time for each other. It's all so sad.
Now I love this woman and I desperately don't want her to go. I know I need to let her though and it's tough. She needs space and I now need mine, but I want it to be the cataclysmic eureka moment that cements us together forever. I may be hoping for too much, maybe she doesn't love me and will never come back. When she goes I hope she can reflect on the fact that it isn't all me. After counselling I have carried out a lot of soul searching, maybe she needs the space to do the same.
A long post I know. I'm just looking for advice on how to get the love back, any words of wisdom. I do love her and I love my children. We would be foolish to throw the towel in now.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Well...looks like she's leaving!
Flabergaster · 15/10/2013 04:01
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